my village

They say it takes a village to raise a child.

This is my village.

(Or at least, part of it.)

In my village there are friends who take each and every step of the motherhood journey alongside me. There are people who I can call at 3 am if I need to – without questions asked. There are people who offer to watch my kids at the jump of a hat when I am in need. There are people who go out of their way to care for us, to love us, to pray for us. There are people who deliver me iced coffee. Bring us food when we’re sick. Stop and pick up groceries because they know it will take a load off my shoulders. There are people who know my favourite treats, my bad habits, my strengths and my weaknesses – yet still accept me as I am. In my village there are children I have prayed for since before they existed. Children who I eagerly anticipated alongside their mothers. Children I love beyond words, even if they don’t belong (entirely) to me. In my village, there are best friends for my babies.

In my village there are prayer warriors. There are secret keepers. There are babysitters. There are encouragers. Supporters. Mentors. In my village, there are funny people with whom I love to laugh. There are people who have seen my in both my brightest moments and my darkest hours. In my village, there are faith builders and role models. In my village, there is a great deal of wisdom to be imparted.

In my village there are parents, grandparents, sisters, bothers, aunts, uncles and best friends, all who support us every day, in each decision. There are people who care for my babies as though they were their own. People I’m proud to know and love.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.

This is my village.

And I’m pretty darn blessed to be belong to it.

well, hello, march

To be honest, I expected the month of March to start in a crazy way. This past weekend, the husband was heading to ChiTown for a big ol’ boys weekend, so I knew it would be four days of straight up cray cray while I ruled the roost at home. What I didn’t expect was for it to be quite as cray cray as it’s been.

Friday started out pretty awesome. My girlfriend and her little guy had been here for a sleepover and we had a blast. Then they left. It was naptime and things went down hill. I’ll spare the gory details but, Eva’s nap didn’t go well and it had to do with potty issues. The end. We ended up managing a decent nap and I thought all was well.

However, after that, things got weirder and weirder as she started refusing to pee and screaming and clawing at me when I tried to make her go. It got worse and worse. She spent the afternoon crying and telling me her bum hurt. By 5pm, I figured she had a UTI and it was time to head in to the ER. Thankfully, the Aunties were coming for dinner so M came with me and L stayed with Gwennie. We managed a record ER trip, there and back in an hour, including the 15 minute drive each way. And, by the grace of God, we were able to get a sample at the hospital. And only 3/4 of it ended on my lap and Eva’s pants. Anyhow, it amazingly came out negative for infection but we expected her to get worse overnight. She did not! She woke up the next morning fever free and feeling fine, able to pee again. I assume everything was related to the initial nap incident.

The rest of the weekend went by okay, except that Gwen didn’t nap longer than 45 minutes and was up 5-8 times each night, until Sunday afternoon when I started to feel iffy. I was willing it away, telling myself it was just in my head. But by the time Evan got home around 9pm, there was no denying it. I had the flu. I was able to sleep but woke up at 3am when it hit me with a vengeance. And it all went downhill from there. Again, I’ll spare the nasty details but it was bad. And when my poor Gwennie woke up at 6:45 it didn’t take long to figure out she had the bug too. Thankfully, Evan was able to stay home with us. Not sure what I would have done without him as I didn’t even have enough strength to hold the baby.

Our saving grace is that this bug has been quick. It’s vicious, but doesn’t last long and Gwen and I are on the road to recuperation. Unfortunately, the Daddy-io came down with it last night and is struggling today. Evalyn is the only one left standing so I’m walking on eggshells waiting for that ticking time bomb to go off. I am praying fervently that God will spare her from this.

Add in to this some other, ahem, issues of the female variety, the fact that I washed all my clothes in hot water and shrunk my jeans and that I got a nosebleed that was reminiscent of the red sea, and I am starting to say, “Okay, March, what gives?” The start of the month has been a little different than planned. I haven’t yet had a chance to review how February went and set any goals for this month, think about Gwen’s 8 month update or dig myself out from the mounds and mounds of pukey laundry. All in time, all in time.

I know the saying “In like a lion, out like a lamb” is supposed to refer to the weather, but I’m hoping it also holds true for the way this month goes for our family.

Here’s to a calmer remainder of the month!

surviving the bedtime crazy: part 2.0

A few months ago I wrote this post highlighting the challenges in surviving the evening hours with two two and under on my own. Since then, I’ve been fortunate enough to have had way fewer evenings where this is necessary. The late fall and winter months mean work is less busy and there is less going on in the evenings for Evan, which means there are two to tackle bedtime more often. This makes mama happen.

Over the last three weeks, however, Evan’s been doing some work at our church which means he has been spoken for most evenings. So, once again, I’ve had to find my groove at doing the whole bedtime thing solo. What I’ve learned over the past few weeks is that now, surviving bedtime with the two of them? Piece of cake. Surviving mealtime, on the other hand? That’ll take me down. That’s a different story, though. My purpose in this post is to give an update on the whole bedtime thing now that I’ve got a few more months under my belt.

There are a few key reasons why bedtime seems to be much smoother.

First, bathtime. Gwen can now sit up and move around easily in the tub. I am not afraid of her sister crushing her or smothering her. This means dual bath time is possible and way less stressful than it used to be. Secondly, Gwen no longer freaks out the second she gets lifted out of the tub, expecting a boob to be in her mouth within a matter of milliseconds. This means that I can take the girls straight from dinner to the tub. Or, at least put them in the tub earlier in the evening as opposed to just before bed, even if not right after dinner. I bath them together, get Gwen out and PJed first, while E continues to play and cleans up the bath toys and then get her out and PJed.

Second, their bedtimes have adjusted. At the time that I wrote that previous post, both girls were going to bed between 7:30-7:45 which made it tricky to accomplish bedtime routines for both. Now, Gwen is in bed, asleep by 6:45-7 and Eva still goes to bed by 7:30-7:45. When I wrote the first post about the bedtime stuff, I was hesitant about having Gwen’s bedtime be earlier than Eva’s since I cherished that one on one cuddle time with her. I do miss that. I miss being able to nurse her and sit in the nursery holding her, sometimes for as long as an hour, before laying her down. But the good thing is that she usually makes her way into my bed in the wee hours of the morning anyway, so we still get that cuddle time. She also wakes up earlier than Eva most mornings, so we get some nice one on one before the Big Sissy is awake.

And lastly, Gwen no longer takes forever to go to sleep. She nurses for 3-4 minutes, and if she’s not already asleep when she’s done, as soon as I lay her down with her pacifier, she’s down for the count. There are very few nights (KNOCK ON WOOD AS HARD AS I CAN) that she puts up a fight to go to sleep. If she doesn’t immediately go to sleep, it usually doesn’t take a lot of effort, other than slipping the paci back into her mouth, or laying her back down if she’s standing up.

So, now, it usually goes like this. I can get both of the girls bathed and PJed by 6:30-6:45 and if it’s not bath night, it’s even smoother. Although bath night is a welcome distraction to kill some time between supper and bed. Often, Gwen has a bath every night and if Eva wants to join her she can but she doesn’t always. After PJs are done, we play for a while longer until Gwen starts to fuss. Then, if Eva is engrossed in something I just leave her be. If she needs a distraction, I’ll throw a bowl of crackers at her and turn on a show. Either way, it’s not a huge deal since Gwen nurses so quickly anyway. I’ve had nights where Eva just doesn’t seem to want to be distracted while I’m putting Gwen to bed and she has stood in the nursery beside us. So far, though, that hasn’t bothered Gwen and she still goes to sleep.

Then, when that’s done, I still have a good 30-40 minutes until Eva goes to bed. Depending on the night, she and I might have a shower (sometimes this is my best option for actually getting a shower myself), or I will clean up from dinner while she plays if I haven’t had a chance to. She may have a snack and watch a show or else we’ll do potty, pull up, teeth brushing and snuggle in her bed for a books and songs for a longer time before bed.

The spacing in the bedtimes has made it oh so much easier. So much. Eliminating my need to basically toss one kid into their bed and run to the next makes the evening quieter, more peaceful and less “I wanna pull all my hair out and then drown myself in chocolate”. Although, if I’m being totally honest, I do often feel that way anyway.

This new set up, with the earlier bedtime for the babe, makes the whole “bedtime” thing take much longer but also makes it a far less chaotic time. For now, when it’s dark and cold and icky and we wouldn’t be outside anyway, it works well. When summer comes and evenings are spent outside, we’ll see how it goes, as I’m sure Eva won’t be as interested in coming inside when Sissy has to go to bed. For now, though … you’ll be hearing no complaints from me.

what’s it worth?

It’s Sunday night. 8:08 pm. The girls are in bed, though I still hear some faint jabbering coming from my biggest little. My husband just pulled out of the driveway to go play hockey. I’m sitting in my bed. Letting out a deep breath.

Sundays are hard on me. They are tough. So tough.

Today, the day started at 5:55 am when I was woken by the sound of the baby screeching from her crib. The screech that indicates she’s definitely not ready to be awake. After thirty or so minutes of trying (pointlessly) to convince her to shut her eyes for just a little while longer, we were up and at ‘em. The husband left to go do some scouting for a little while in the morning while I busied myself with getting breakfast fed, dresses on, ponytails done, dishes unloaded and myself showered and dressed and make upped.

By 8:00am, the baby was having her usual Sunday morning meltdown that was amplified by the early morning wake up which meant as soon as the husband walked in the door we kicked it into over drive. We raced to throw snacks and magna doodles and teething toys and milk and everything else you can imagine into the diaper bag. We pottied. We got coats and hats and boots on. We buckled kids in their seats. And we left for church over an hour early in hopes of getting a decent car nap on the way.

By the time I did up my seatbelt as we pulled out of the driveway, I already felt like I had run a marathon. We grabbed a coffee and drove aimlessly around our rural area while the baby slept for no more than 15 minutes and arrived at church thirty minutes early.

Church with kids is difficult. Today was particularly trying. After the baby’s early morning and very short nap, she was beside herself. Add into that some tummy troubles she’s been having and she was a hot mess. I fed her and made my first attempt at getting her back to sleep before service even started. No luck.

Service started and within 10 minutes I was standing at the back, tying her into the mei tei and hoping for a quick and easy nap. Again, no luck. After fighting and fighting with her and taking communion in the hallway, I gave up and headed back in. Evan kept her pacified with crackers for a few minutes but not long and she was fussing again. This time, Aunt Linda, who always has the touch, took her to the back classroom in hopes of getting her to go down.

In the meantime, the toddler, who is, all things considered, very well behaved in church, was bouncing between Daddy’s lap, Mommy’s lap, Auntie Marcia’s lap, Miss Becky’s lap, Mrs.. Smith’s iPhone photos, this book, that book, this sticker, that sticker, goldfish, fruit leather, drink of milk, magnet toy and on and on it goes.

After Auntie Linda hadn’t returned for quite some time, I popped back out to see how things were going. As soon as I made my way into the hall, I heard that noise. You know the one? The kind of crying coming from a baby who is acting as though someone is torturing her. Nap attempt #3 failed. By this time, she was getting harder and harder to soothe. Harder and harder to keep occupied. Eventually, Evan took her out for the remainder of the time.

Today’s service was the kind of service where I can’t remember a single song that was sung. I know the speaker mentioned Dietrich Bonheoffer and something about Daniel in the Lions Den … but that’s about as far as that goes.

Of course, Gwen was asleep in her car seat before we even pulled out of the parking lot for our fifteen minute drive home. And was awake as soon as we got in the house. By 2pm, I finally convinced her to go back to sleep … which lasted twenty minutes. The rest of the day was spent trying to keep a severely overtired baby happy while also attempting to finish laundry, get groceries, vacuum and tidy up … all in preparation for another busy week.

More than one time today, I caught myself thinking, “What’s it worth? What’s the point?” … why even bother going to church if I am not able to listen to a single word of the sermon, focus my heart on a single word of a single song or have a single meaningful conversation with anyone in my church family? What’s it worth? What is the point? Why was I even there?

Yet through these negative thoughts … God broke my heart.

What’s it worth? What’s the point?

What it’s worth is teaching my children that our faith in God is our first priority. It is not second to nap schedules, or convenience or exhaustion. It comes before all things. The point is showing my children that we value our commitment to God above anything else. Even when it’s difficult. Or stressful. Or, even at times, unenjoyable. The point is demonstrating to them that we believe it to be important to join with other believers in worship, even at times when personal edification may be difficult to achieve. What it’s worth is giving our children a congregation to call home. What it’s worth is giving them the opportunity to learn about Christ alongside other children. To sing songs, read scriptures and pray in their bible classes. What it’s worth is seeing my daughter learn about the importance of giving, when she asks for moneys to give to Jesus on the way to church on Sunday morning. What it’s worth is instilling in her a heart of service as she passes the collection plate with her Daddy to collect coins for children who are living in poverty. What it’s worth is doing our best to sow the seeds of Christ’s love in the hearts of our children.

What it’s worth is recognizing that our children are God’s children and they have been entrusted to us for this time on earth. And because of that immense gift and that tremendous responsibility we will keep ‘doing Sundays’. Even when we don’t want to.

Today

Today I am overwhelmed. I am stressed. I am frazzled. I am looking around me and seeing 4893048309 things that need to be done, yet not being able to pin point the ONE thing I need to start with.

This morning, I woke up and nursed baby, changed diaper, sat on the couch to help Eva eat her breakfast (which my husband so graciously makes every single day), stopped baby from bonking her head on the table, got kids dressed, and heated up my coffee twice before ever taking a sip. I took Eva to preschool, drove 30 minutes to the closest shopping center, nursed the baby in the car, bundled her up in 45 layers to carry her into the store since I know groceries can’t fit in the cart around her seat, got groceries and necessities at Walmart, boogied home, unloaded groceries, changed world’s biggest blowout, packed baby back into car, drove to pick up toddler from preschool, came home, threw together something that hardly resembled a lunch, asked toddler to sit on her bum 87 times, fed half of toddler’s lunch to the dog, put two kids down for naps, cleaned up lunch, scrubbed highchair down for the 852nd time this week.

And then, I ate a chocolate cupcake and drank a Pepsi. Because making it through that rather normal morning seemed to get the best of me.

Sometimes life is so overwhelming that I just don’t even know where to start. I need to clean the bathroom. I need to dust. I need to update photo frames. I need to organize piles of stuff in the basement. I need to clear off our dressers. I need to finish (or, start?) Eva’s big girl room. I need to go through the kid’s closets. I need to mop. I need to vacuum. I need to clean the fridge. I need to meal plan. I need to. I need to. I need to.

But why?

I will do all of this and my husband will pee on the toilet seat, the toddler will crush her goldfish crackers into the rug, the baby will spit up on the hardwood floor and then use her own stomach to mop it up. \

And then I’ll do it again.

Today, life feels monotonous and insurmountable.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel like superwoman standing on a mountaintop tackling life head on.

But today I just don’t.

Seven months of Gwen

My Little Gwenner,

You are now seven months old. This month has been a big, big, big month for you. So many changes have been happening and it seems you do something new each day. I know that time flies. It always does. But, I am fairly certain that once a baby starts moving, time starts moving faster and faster, too. I am afraid to blink.

This month, one of our most exciting ventures has been into the world of solid foods. For how petite you are, and how quick you are at nursing you have totally and completely shocked me with how interested and eager you are to eat solid food. I totally expected you to be a bird. But, nope. Not even. So far, you are living up to your namesake with the amount you like to eat. We are taking a baby led weaning approach when introducing you into the world of solids, and girlfriend, you are 100% on board with this plan.

It is messy business. Messy, yummy, fun business.

So far you have eaten so many things. Carrots, cucumber, sweet potatoes, squash, parsnips, beets, avocado, broccoli, green beans, pears, peaches, mangoes, plums, apples, grapefruit, blueberries, strawberries, bananas, raspberries, scrambled eggs, toast, chicken, steak, pasta, cheese, yogurt and much much more. Aside from greek yogurt, which was not your favourite, you have eat to turn down anything. I’ll be interested to see if you chunk up in the next few months since you seem to be quite the empty pit!

The other big news this month is that you are on the move. You don’t stop for anyone or anything. You have been somewhat crawling and lunging since Christmas (when you were under 6 months!!) but you have really gotten the hang of it in the last few weeks. Along with that, the last two weeks has marked a huge change in your agility and balance. Suddenly, you never topple over when sitting, you can easily and gracefully move from sitting, to tummy, to crawling and back again. It amazes me how quickly your movements have become so fluid.  You have even started to pull up to standing on furniture. Oh no, you don’t, little missy! You are supposed to be my itty bitty baby, so you can cut this funny business out right now. The pulling up on furniture has just started in the last few days and has resulted in a few head bonks and kabooms. I have learned that I cannot let you out of my sight for a second. Something tells me we’ll be spending a lot of time together in the ergo until you learn how to keep your balance a little better.

You are so cheerful and talkative. Although you still grace us with the high pitched squeal every now and again, you’ve mostly replaced it with a low growl, or with saying “Ah-ba! Ah-ba!” over and over again. You blow raspberries almost constantly and have recently started giving hugs and kisses. Your hugs are so sweet when you just cuddle yourself right into the crook of my neck. As far as kisses, you prefer those of the open mouth variety.

For the most part, you are sleeping fairly decently at night, although we’ve been up and down with sickness over the past number of weeks so that always throws a curve ball. Thankfully, though, (knock on wood), you seem to have given up your affinity for super early mornings and sleep until at least 6:30 most days. I cannot even believe that I’ve reached a point where I can say “at least” in reference to 6:30 a.m. But that’s how it goes. You go down around 7pm and usually sleep until 7am. Most often you wake up once anywhere between 2:30-4:30 for a quick nibble and then you go back down easily. Many mornings, you start to stir between 5:30-6 but as soon as I scoop you into my bed, you easily settle back down. You seem to love being warm and snug in my bed, because that’s the place where you usually sleep in the longest. You still nap three times a day, although your third nap is questionable. Sometimes it doesn’t happen, sometimes it’s an hour and sometimes it’s 10 minutes. Regardless though, your first two naps are starting to become much more consistent and predictable. You’ve even been doing an awesome job at putting yourself to sleep. Keep it up girlfriend!

You and your sister are up to no good. You spend your days giggling, playing and reading together. I love to see your relationships developing but when I see you straining to follow her and keep up with her, I am terrified because I know it won’t be long at all until you are spending your days conspiring against me and creating even more chaos than there already is. Those will be the days! Your relationship with your sister is not one sided, by any means. Just as much as you love her, she loves you back. When you were born, I wondered when the novelty of having a baby sister would wear off for her. It still hasn’t. Every morning she asks where you are and as soon as she sees you, she lights up and starts talking to you. She is so precious with you. Calling you “sweetie heart” and “baby girl” and “Gwenna Guhhh”. Your relationship has blossomed even more over this past month, as you’ve started moving and being able to play a little more actively with her. It’s going to be trouble from here on out!

Everyday I am overcome with gratitude and joy knowing that you are mine and I am yours. You have made my heart double in size and I praise God for you every day.

I love you sixty clock! (as your sister would say).

Mama

Church bag essentials

Church with kids is different than church without kids. Ha. What a profound thought, right? Church with kids is hard. It’s exhausting. It’s often a wrestling match. And, I must admit, that some Sundays I come home and wonder if it was even worth being there. Sometimes I don’t hear a single word of the sermon. Sometimes I miss almost every song. Not usually, though, because we are lucky to have lots of people who always have the girls sit with them. Our church has a staffed nursery but for the most part, but for personal reasons, we choose to keep the kids in the auditorium. Of course, there are some days that are exceptions and Eva goes, but mostly, she “sits” through church.

Enter the church bag. About a year ago, I felt like it was time to put together a special bag of stuff that come to and from church with us. This morning as I emptied out the church bag to reorganize it, I thought it may be helpful to some to see what our church bag looks like. So, here it goes. Our church bag essentials.

1. Quiet book – this was gifted to Gwen from a sweet lady in our church and Evalyn loves working on the activities in it. It has lacing, beads, velcro, snaps, zippers and a few other fine motor tasks in it.

2. Magnets – I got the Magnet Creations Farm for Evalyn last year just after Christmas (15 months old) and she has consistently played with it every single Sunday during church since then. She still loves it. It has different seasons to add magnets to. The Lalaloopsy magnetic paper dolls were just added to her collection this Christmas.

3. Magnadoodle and crayons – she loves to draw shapes and letters and numbers on the magna doodle. Crayons are an obvious essential.

4. Stickers, stickers, stickers – There are always a plethora of stickers in the church bag. She is obsessed with sticking them on papers and people around her. Currently, she’s really interested in the sticker books that have stickers that go in specific spots on specific pages.

5. Interactive, quiet books – Lift a flap books, I Spy books and touch and feel books are great. Better than story books. We don't have to read these books to her – she will look at them quietly and they don’t get boring. We have typically had one or two of the Heads/Tails/Sniff/Moo books by Matthew Van Fleet  in the bag, too.

\6. Snacks – our typical church snacks are fruit leathers, little boxes of raisins and yogurt covered raisins and baby food pouches (juicies according to Evalyn). Goldfish, fruit snacks and cheerios also make the occasional appearance. 

Some other good church bag choices are lacing and tracing activities, puzzles (we have a few wooden puzzles that have been in there at times as well the M&D Basic Skills board, although it’s a big large), stamps and scrap paper (church bulletins work well).

Right now, the church bag is this precious painted canvas tote bag made for Evalyn by Gina. However, with two kids and more stuff, I’m thinking an upgrade to a backpack will soon be in order. The lovely thing about the church bag is that it typically stays tucked under Evalyn’s car seat in the truck. This means no having to remember to grab the church bag on the way out the door. Which is great considering there are 5489358 things to remember as it is.

  Evalyn loves her church bag. She knows it’s special. As we get out of the truck at church she almost always asks, “Do we got the church bag?” The things in it tend to keep her engaged because she only sees them once a week. I try to remember to bring it in every now and again to clean it out, get rid of garbage and stuff that gets collected and change up the contents for some new things.

What are your favourite church bag items?

six months of gwen

My Gwennie,

Look at you! Six months old. It is impossible for me to believe that it has been half a year since that early Monday morning when you took my breath away in a million different ways. You add so much to this family. So much joy, so much crazy, so much laughter. You fill our hearts completely. 

You are growing like a bad weed. I don’t have your stats just yet so your appointment isn’t until next week (updated: you weigh 15lbs 9 oz and are 26 3/4 inches long. That's half an inch longer than your sister was at 6months, but 2/3 of a pound lighter. My teeny bug!). But you’re wearing mostly all 6-9 and 9 month clothes, medium diaper covers and size 3 disposables. The weight of my arms tells me you’re getting heavier and heavier all the time. Here’s how you’ve looked this month:

This month has been jam.packed.full of busy. It’s been fun but it also makes the time fly by too quickly. Here are the highlights of this month: you’ve had (and are currently still in the midst of) your first two sickness, you are sitting up almost completely unassisted. Of course, you will sit up no problem for 20 minutes straight but if I sit you down and turn my back for 1.3 seconds you topple over. You’re figuring out how to ease yourself down to your belly, though. You are also working hard on getting yourself from a tummy/hands and knees position to a sitting position. You can do it no problem with your hiney is nakey, but once we throw those bothersome diapers and clothes into the mix everything gets a little more tricky. About halfway through the month, you started getting yourself onto your hands and knees and rocking back and forth. You’re not quite to the point where I’d say you are crawling yet, but you definitely figure out how to move. You do a lot of lunging, army crawling and face planting when you set your mind to it. Usually, if your soosie is out of your reach, that’s when you get moving.

You nurse 7-8 times through the day, and often at night, especially now that you are sick. You haven’t started any solids, except a small taste of steamed carrots, but we’ll be slowly working on that in the coming month. You usually nap 3 times a day. On a typical day, you’re up around 7 or just before, down between 8:30-9 for an hour to two hours and then down again between 12-1 for another 1.5-2 hours. Usually, 4pm hits and you need a catnap to make it until bedtime. You go down for the night around 6:45-7. Before leaving for Christmas and getting a cold, you were sleeping really well through the night, so hopefully we’ll get back to that soon. You haven’t slept longer than a 2-3 hour stretch in over two weeks now and we’re all getting pretty tired. No teeth yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they show up soon. You’re gnawing on everything and drooling like crazy.

Your sixth month started with your dedication, and was packed full of Christmas activities and preparations. We had the joy of having Nana and Papa here for a few days leading up to Christmas and for Christmas morning. Then we headed out and  spent the next 11 days away. First at Nana and Grandpa’s and then at Nana and Papa’s. It was, by far, your longest amount of time away from home. While we were gone we celebrated Christmas with both sides of the family, spent loads of time with your cousins and rang in the New Year with the Cann’s and Lansdell’s.

      Despite your sickies, you are still a happy girl. You laugh easily and aren’t ever quiet for too long. You have to be noisy to be heard around here, I’m afraid. I can already see you becoming more and more eager to keep up with your Big Sister’s antics. You work hard to move yourself close to where she is and you’ve already figured out that whatever she is playing with is miles more interesting than the boring old baby toys that I set you up with. It’s so sweet to me to see you start to play together and I know that will become more and more prevalent as the months go by. As will the fighting over toys. Soon your Big Sissy is going to realize that she can’t always have her way. I have a feeling you won’t have any trouble learning to stand up for yourself. You’re quite the little spitfire, yourself.

You are growing too fast. I’ve said it so many times and I won’t stop. I blink and you’re another month older. Thinking of this makes me realize the importance of living in the moment with you. As I’ve heard it said many times, the days may be long but the moments are fleeting. Here’s to another month of moments.

Love you forever, sweet girl.

our year

Last January, I wrote this post highlighting some of my goals and hopes for 2012. And now, as 2012 is so quickly coming to a close I can’t help but think that wow – this has been our year.

I started off the year 14 weeks pregnant with Gwendolyn. Just the beginning, really.

In February, we started our house hunt, I had my first overnight away from Evalyn, and we survived the winter.

March was when the year really started to get crazy. Evan and I had food poisoning, landing me in the hospital overnight, Evalyn cut her eye teeth which made for two weeks from you-know-where, she turned 18 months, and we bought a house. All in the same week.

In April, I finished work and started maternity leave and we also started packing the apartment.

In May, we hit the zoo, did more packing and then on the last day of the month, we took possession of our house and things turned chaotic. This was also the month that the 2012 summer baby boom began, with the birth of Connor.

June was a long month. A long, hard month. Evan spent his days at work and his evenings at the new house, working hard to do renovations before we moved in. I was 100 months pregnant, living out of boxes and wrangling a toddler in the heat of the summer. There were times when four or five days passed without Evalyn seeing her Daddy and many nights when he got home long after I was tucked into bed for the night. Evalyn turned 21 months – an age that was significant to me because it was the age she would be when she became a big sister. My due date came. And my due date passed.

July rolled around and things changed in an instant. My water broke late at night on July 1, Canada day, and my sweet second born girl was placed in my arms early the next morning. July was spent with my mom here for a week after Gwen’s birth and Evan’s mom here for the better part of two weeks following that. And it’s a good thing, indeed, because the renovations were still going strong. Although the pressure eased up a bit after our decision to push our moving date back two weeks, there was still a ton of work to get done and so Evan was still spending most evenings and weekends at the house. Two more babies were added to our gang in the weeks following Gwen’s birth, when Briar and my sister had their littles.

When August hit, we knew the end was in sight as the moving date got closer and closer. The middle of the month rolled around and we said goodbye to our first home, the place our babies were born, to start a new chapter in our lives. August 12, 2012, on our sixth anniversary, we moved into our very first, owned by us, house. Just a week or so later, our next niece, sweet Jolie, arrived.

In September, the baby boom ended when Lochlan was born on labor day, exactly 9 weeks after Gwen – book ending the summer by being born on the last holiday Monday. Evan went away on a moose hunt for ten days so the girls and I did some visiting with family and friends, we celebrated Evalyn’s second birthday and she started preschool for the first time. All the while, we continued, slowly but surely to make this thing we call a house into the place we call a home.

In October, we hit up the pumpkin patch, celebrated Thanksgiving, painted and pumpkin and went trick or treating. It was a month of making traditions and enjoying our favourite season of the year.

On the first day of November, Evalyn decided it was time to start potty training so we ran down that road – and have been running down it ever since. We spent a lot of time at home that month, because of the training but managed to get in some fun, too, like going to meet Santa. Again, the renovations, work around the house, and settling in continued. Most importantly, in November, we finally got a dishwasher after four months without.

Now December is here and it’s been, perhaps, the quickest month yet. We had Gwen’s dedication, decorated for Christmas, did a lot of shopping and put a lot of time and work into some little projects around the house that helped us feel more settled.

The year has been crazy. It has included some of the longest days of my life. Yet, it has zoomed past at an unimaginable speed. We’ve been blessed beyond compare. We’ve added another beautiful child to our family. We have the perfect starter home – a fixer upper out in the sticks. We’ve learned, more than ever, just how strong our support system is. We’ve been humbled and astonished at the amount of hours our friends and family put in to help us pack, roof, paint, babysit, install flooring, unpack and so on…

In all, we give glory to our Father for our countless blessings, knowing that without him, none of this would be possible.

2012 was our year. Thanks be to God.

lessons of motherhood

Motherhood is a perpetual series of lessons. They never stop. Every day there is something new to learn and I’ve figured out that even though I’m 2+ years and 2 kids in, the lessons aren’t stopping any time soon. I will always be growing and learning and developing as a Mom. But for now, here are some of the important lessons I've learned.

I’ve learned that no matter how little sleep you get, somehow, someway, you can still look at your baby in the morning and love them, smile at them and perhaps even forget how awful the previous night was. Similarly, you always seem to figure out how to function – even when it seems impossible.

I’ve learned that it doesn’t make me a bad mom to want and need time away from my kids. In fact, I’ve learned that it makes me a better, more refreshed, more engaged mom.

I’ve learned that there are a host of other people in this world who are perfectly capable of taking care of my children. I have learned that Daddy, Grandparents, friends, aunts and uncles are actually able to keep them alive in my absence. They are usually even able to keep them fed, happy and asleep, as well. I still have not learned how to refrain from checking in though.

I have learned that no matter how wonderful it is to get away from them sometimes, coming back is always better.

I’ve learned that showers are optional. And that you can actually wash and condition your hair, scrub your body and shave your arm pits in less than 4 minutes.

I’ve learned that coffee is delicious.

I’ve learned that Jesus was on to something when He spoke of having faith like a child. I’ve learned that my children can teach me more about my faith and my God than I’ve learned in a lifetime of going to church.

I’ve learned that patience truly is a virtue and it’s not always easy to come by.

I’ve learned that children can pick up on so much more than we realize and that they watch what I do as much, or more, than listen to what I say.

I’ve learned that asking for help is okay.

I’ve learned that despite knowing they will all get dragged out again in the morning, the toys need to be cleaned up every single night for the sake of my sanity.

I’ve learned that just when you get a kid figured out, they change it up on you.

I’ve learned that it’s a constant guessing game.

I’ve learned that my children will surprise me daily. I’ve learned that they will never stop amazing me.

I’ve learned so much.

I’ve learned to be a new person. I’ve learned to love in a new way.

And I will keep on learning.

an update, of sorts

It seems that I’ve dropped off the face of the earth. I’m not sure what’s happened to me. It’s not like there’s a lack of stuff to blog about. There are things that happen daily that I think, ‘Oh I should blog about that before I forget’ … you know, like Eva telling me that I’m “not ah-yowed to spoke until Jesus comes” or the Christmas tree falling down while I was decorating and coming a few inches within landing on Gwen before I caught it, or our Christmas decorations, our first Christmas party of the year, the house renovations. Um, yea. We’ve lived here 4 months and I’ve yet to show any before/after pics? Here’s a promise … I will show you our bathroom renovation before the week ends. Mkay? Hold me to it.

We’ve been having a blast getting ready for the Christmas season. Witnessing Christmas from a two year old’s perspective is amazing. Last night, we were talking about Jesus and how he is God’s son and that God sent Him to us as a GIFT, which is why we give gifts at Christmas. She asked me, “Where is Jesus?”  As always, I told her that Jesus is in her heart. She said, “No Mom. Jesus is on the board at Mrs. F’s house”. So. Much. Funny here. Mrs F is her teacher. So, she was telling me that he’s on the bulletin board at school. Totally adorable and I love how kids assume their teachers do not exist outside of the classroom. She is enthralled by the decorations, lights, Christmas songs, presents, wrapping paper, Christmas shows and stories. I took a video of her “reading” The Night Before Christmas to her sister. Maybe I’ll even get around to sharing it some day. She knows the story of the First Christmas pretty well now. Well, at least she knows that there’s a Mary, a Joseph, an Angel, a trip to Bethlehem and a Baby Jesus in the hay. The rest is just details, right?

Gwen is growing like a bad weed. And I want it to stop now. NOW NOW NOW. Well, not really. I love the new developments and explorations. But my dear heart, it goes too fast. Way too fast. She’s rolling, working on sitting and seems to be in one of those phases of frustration where she wishes she could do more than she can and is no longer happy just being in one spot. Only a few months until we hit the crawling stage, if she’s like her sister. Hold. Me. Now.

The girls have both been sick. Last week was pitiful. But thankfully, we are on the upswing. Hopefully this means we’ve gotten it out of the way and are clear for the holidays. Wishful thinking, perhaps.

I miss this here old blog. Maybe someday I’ll get my groove back and commit myself to daily, or at least more than weekly or bi-weekly posting. Maybe soon I’ll be inspired. Until then, we’ll just keep living the moments.

five months of gwen

My Sweetie,

Five big months old. It frightens me to think that the next time I sit down to do this, we’ll be halfway through your first year. Impossible. You’re going like a weed girl. Especially this month as you went through a major growth spurt. Even after a few days of not seeing you, people said they could tell you were so much longer and chubbier. You are wearing mostly 6 month clothes but growing out of a lot of them. You’re in medium diaper covers and size 3 disposables.

Here’s how you’ve looked this month:

Currently, you’re battling your first bout of sickness as you’ve caught your Big Sissy’s cold. You are sad and pathetic and it just breaks my heart. Your nose and eyes are watery and your voice sounds like a sixty year old smoker. We’re snuggling lots. Spending most the day in the ergo and hoping to get rid of this thing fast. I don’t like seeing you sick, my sweetie.

You’ve been very busy this month. And in fact, you’ve gone pretty easy on me. In your 4 month post, I wrote about how it had been a tricky month with sporadic napping and such. You’ve generally come out of that and gotten back to fairly decent napping. However, throughout your growth spurt we went through a good week or two of not so hot nighttime sleep. You seem to be getting back into the swing of nighttime sleeping, though. I am learning to accept that you are just going to be an early riser and trying to savour the sleep I get, even if it has to end at 6 am most days. For the most part, it is becoming easier and easier to get you to sleep as you will generally put yourself to sleep when I lay you down. Occasionally, I still have to help you get your paci back in your mouth but many times, if it’s in your reach, you’re able to do it yourself. The big problem is that you’ve been doing a lot of practicing of your new skills … specifically, rolling. That has caused some disturbances during naps and nighttime as you roll over in your sleep and wake yourself up, or else roll over six billion times before going to sleep in the first place.

You have been rolling belly to back non stop for the last month or so. And just last week, while having some nakey hiney time, you figured out the whole back to tummy thing. And the rest is history. The next morning, you acted like you were an old pro and it only took you about five minutes to figure out that if you rolled from belly to back multiple times in a row you would actually move. Life’s about to get ca-razy!

You’ve also been practicing sitting up quite a bit. You can do it well in a cloth diaper because the extra junk in your trunk gives you a little more stability. You’re still pretty wobbly though. It won’t be long, I’m sure.

Of course, you are still laughing like crazy. Keeping you entertained is not hard at all. This month, you’ve added a shriek to your list of skills as well. The belly laugh is still there but is more commonly replaced by a high pitched squeal. It hurts my ears and I’m sure it’s got to hurt your throat but it’s funny nonetheless. It is especially hilarious when you do it to get your Daddy’s attention. The other day you were in your jolly jumper in your bedroom door frame while Eva played and Daddy and I moved things around in the living room to get ready for the Christmas tree to come in. I have never seen you shriek so much and so loud trying to get us to pay attention to you. I guess you’ve already learned that you’ve gotta be loud to keep up around here.

Speaking of getting Daddy’s attention, you are quite a daddy’s girl. You bust into the hugest smile and silly sounds and grins as soon as he walks in the door and you absolutely love playing with him.

You are starting to show many signs that teeth may soon be on the way. You are very drooly (although, hello, you always have been) and constantly chewing on Sophie. It’s so hard to say, though, as I know these “signs” can be present for weeks or months before we see any action. There is no visible evidence in your mouth that there are any teeth on the way, though, so we will see.

We are still exclusively breastfeeding and loving it all the time. Right now, you typically nurse 7-8 times a day. You are still a quick eater. If you nurse for 5 minutes per side, that’s a long feed! I am in no rush to start solids. I learned with your sister that life becomes that much more difficult once your entire nutrition is no longer attached to my body so I’m enjoying the ease and convenience while it’s here. You seem to be entirely satisfied as it is and have shown no interest or understanding of food – so we’ll hold off another month or so before entering that stage together.

The last month included you meeting Santa and seeing your first snowfall.

This next month will also be so full of fun and new things for you to experience … mainly, your first Christmas. I am so excited to have you in my arms this holiday season. Last year, you were just a tiny little pouch in my tummy. How exciting that at Christmas last year, we had just recently found out about you, cousin Kathryn and cousin Jolie and now? You are all here, healthy and happy. It will be a fun holiday season, that’s for certain.

As always, I feel blessed every single morning when I scoop you out of your crib … even if it is at 5 am (but, could we please knock that off?) You are God’s gift to me and the joy you bring to this family cannot be captured by words.

Stay sweet, my love.

Dedication

Yesterday we had the opportunity to participate in our church’s 2012 Baby Dedication service. It is our belief that our role as parents is a lifelong duty, privilege and calling that is God given. We believe our primary charge and duty as parents is to lead our children toward Christ and set them towards a life in which they will develop a personal and committed relationship with their Saviour. Our greatest hope and prayer is that one day, our girls (and any future children we may have) will accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour and live their lives alongside Him.

Because of these beliefs and hopes, we both, as individuals and as parents, cherish the opportunity to stand before our church, our family and our friends and dedicate our children, the blessing that they are to us, back to a mighty God who has given them to us and commit ourselves to a lifetime of faithful parenting.

Each year, our church has a Baby Dedication service where each family who has welcomed a new addition in that year has the opportunity to participate. This year, there were fives babies added to our congregation who were prayed over and celebrated last night.

Just as it was the year Evalyn was born, this night was monumental and special to me as a mother – not only as I reflected on and prayed over my own child – but as I had the opportunity to pray for the children who Gwen will grow up with at church as well, including one of our best friend’s little dudes.

One amazing thing about last night is that every living grandparent of the four babies who were at the service was present and they all read blessings of scripture and prayed over their grandchildren throughout the service. What a testament of faith that is to me!

For our portion of the service, we started with my Dad reading a scripture that is so close to my heart and that stuck with me through the last bit of my pregnancy and during Gwen’s birth.

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. - Psalm 37: 5-7a

I read the following letter I had written to Gwen and then excerpts from the book “Mommy Promises" which is a beautiful book depicting the feelings I have towards my duty as a mother to my girls.

Dear Gwen,

Today, as your father and I stand before our church family, we are committing ourselves to raising you in a way that is compatible with His word, we are making promises to you and to God and we are expressing many prayers and hopes we have for you.

Throughout my pregnancy and your birth, God used you to teach me big lessons about resting in Him, being still in Him, waiting for His good and perfect timing. In the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I did everything in my power to take control over the situation and quickly learned that I was being called to be still. The scripture that Papa read resonated with me throughout those days and throughout the hours of your birth.

It is my prayer for you that as you grow, you will fall deeply in love with your Savior that you will find rest in Him through each season of your life. That you will be still and find peace in him.

It is my prayer that you will always choose Jesus. That you will find refuge in Him and trust in Him both in the brightest days and the darkest hours.

It is my prayer that God will guard your heart and protect your innocence from the evils of this world.

It is my prayer that God will give me the strength and discernment to raise you by example as a Godly woman in a world where God is often pushed aside.

It is my prayer that you will find a lifelong best friend in your sister. A support system and a confidante.

It is our promise to you that we will love each other and strive to build a strong example of marriage for you to witness.

It is our promise that we will love you unconditionally and do our best to make the right decisions for you.

It is our promise that our home will constantly be filled with songs, prayers and conversations about Christ. That His name will never be unfamiliar to you. That you will always have a church family to call home.

Our child, you are fearfully and wonderfully made and we give thanks to God for entrusting you to us for our time on earth.

After reading my letter and book, Evan spoke for a few minutes about the blessing that parenting is and that despite it’s many challenges, it is fun and rewarding and the best part of our lives. He spoke of the woman who Gwen got her name from (his Grandmother) and how she was an example of beauty and faithfulness and family. He read from Ephesians 3: 14-19:

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

He talked about our decision to add another child to our family and how her name has a strong connection to that decision. After he spoke, Gwen’s other grandfather, Evan’s dad, said a prayer of dedication over her and over us.

We don’t take our commitment to these children lightly. We are thankful for our family, for their examples. For our friends and their support. For a close knit church group full of people who have been parents longer than we have who are always eager to lend an ear, give advice and most importantly, pray for and with us on this journey.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139: 13-14

remember that time

Remember that time my amazing sleeper decided that she was going to give me a few weeks of horrific sleep? Just to remind me how good I have had it? Remember that?

Remember that time that DST made my toddler wake up super early every morning, but eventually it worked itself out and she started having super duper long naps and I decided the early mornings can stick around just as long as the long naps do, too? Remember that?

Remember the time I was a walking zombie and asked my husband at 8:45 if he was ready for bed and he said he “could not go to bed that early as he had been feeling draggy at work due to getting too much sleep?” Remember that?

Remember that time I throat punched him for saying that? Remember that?

Remember the time I won the great stocking war of 2012 and bought 6 matching stockings so I will have enough for our current and future babies even though the husband thought this was stupid? Remember that?

Remember the time he said he is going to make me have 5 children just so that my stocking plan fails? Remember that?

Remember the time I decided that if it came to that, and I had more children than stockings, life would be too crazy to even think about stockings anyway? Remember that?

Remember the time that Gwen decided that rolling over and turning circles in her crib and playing with all.of.the.things.in.sight was a way better idea than falling asleep and many naps were spent trying to get her to sleep longer than actually sleeping? Remember that?

Remember the time that I discovered how difficult it is to find matching Christmas PJs in teeny sizes and toddler sizes? Remember that?

Remember the time that I dug out all of the Christmas books, DVDs and stickers on November 19th in an attempt to get my 2 year old as pumped about the holidays as I am? Remember that?

Remember the time that I was about 98% done all of my Christmas shopping by early November? Remember that?

Remember the time that I went a little crazy buying some new clothes for myself for my post baby bod? Remember that?

Remember the time that I was actually able to trade in my momiform for real person clothes more than once a week due to said shopping spree? Remember that?

Remember that time that potty training was the most annoying part of parenting so far? Remember that?

Remember that time that the husband and I got another date night just a few weeks after our last one? Remember that?

Remember the time that I had no time, energy or creativity to blog for real so I wrote some random ‘Remember that time” post? Remember that?

Happy Monday Friends.

Love, Zombie Mama

the day she started (and did not quit) potty training

WARNING: This post uses the word POOP more times than I care to admit. Read at your own risk.

Notice the difference in the title from my last post about potty training? The day I started potty training versus the day she started potty training. It started about two weeks ago. On Halloween. I went to pick Eva up from preschool as usual. When I got there, her teacher told me that she had been doing a great job during bathroom time. Of course, I was a bit surprised. I asked if she meant trying or actually going. She said she had been peeing every day. When she saw I was surprised, she said “Aren’t you training at home? Eva told me she goes on the potty at home”. My 2 year old liar. Bless her.

On the drive home I talked it up and told her I was so proud of her for going on the potty at school. When we got home and sat down to lunch she told me she needed to go to the potty and poop. I told her to finish her lunch first because over the past weeks she had been using going to the potty as an excuse to get out of any and everything. But, this time, she was holding herself up on her seat and said “Mommy! I need to go”. So we went. And she went. Immediately. No hesitation. No fear. Nothing. She just went.

I was super pumped and of course praised her up the wazoo. Since it was Halloween, we were heading out after nap so I couldn’t do much more that day but I asked her the next morning if she wanted to be a big girl and go on the potty. She said yes. So, I pulled the little potty out, took of her dirty diaper and left her bottomless. Within ten minutes, when I was in the kitchen, I heard “MOMMY! CAN’T YOU COME CLEAN UP THE POOP?”

Uh oh.

I raced into the living room and sure enough she was huddled over a turd on the floor. TMI? Sorry about your luck. I was shocked because she had just had a dirty diaper and rarely goes twice in a row like that. But, as shocked as I was, I am pretty sure she was even more shocked than me. As I cleaned things up, I talked to her about how she doesn’t wear diapers any more and that she needed to sit on the potty every time she felt like she needed to go.

I thought “perfect, we’re off to a fab start”. Sarcasm font.

As the day went on, things got better and better. She put a lot of tinkles in the potty. Too many, in fact. I could tell she was forcing herself to go to get candy but for the first day, I thought that was just fine. The next day, she got even better. Many times, she took herself to the potty without prompting. And we had success with #2 on the potty too. On Saturday morning we added undies to the mix and she did great. Saturday afternoon we went a step further and put pants on. We even ventured outside to play and do some yard work.

Over those three days, she wasn’t 100% but she was doing pretty dang good. We decided on Saturday night to brave it up and head to church with her in undies on Sunday. And? That was her first 100% accident free day. She did wonderfully. Telling us during service when she needed to go potty and telling her Sunday school teacher, too.

Monday again, was 100% accident free, even during a 30 minute car ride and play date at a friend’s. On Tuesday, I decided to keep her home from preschool for one more day of practice. I had already told her teacher she’d been gone since we had been planning to visit Nana and Papa before all of this began. That’s when things started to go downhill. I guess after doing so well for so many days, I naively thought we were in the clear. Tuesday brought with it 2 pee accidents and 2 poop accidents and I was really feeling discouraged. I had stopped prompting her since she had been doing so well and after the accidents I was back on her like a crazy person and I think she found that annoying and stopped wanting to care about the potty.

At the end of the day, I was having major second thoughts about sending her to school the next day. Maybe I just needed to keep her home again. Eventually, Evan and my mom convinced me to send her, as that was the place the whole thing started. So send her I did. With four changes of clothes. And when I picked her up I fully expected her to be wearing different pants than I dropped her off in – but she wasn’t. She had stayed dry all morning and even held it in and only gone during potty time. That was a huge relief to me as well, as she was still usually going every 30-40 minutes at home.

Since then, we’ve still had our ups and downs. She is doing amazingly well with the pee portion. She hasn’t had a pee accident for me since Thursday afternoon and even stayed dry on the 1.5 hour car ride to and from my parent’s house, even though she was wearing a pull up. She did wet her pants when she was with a babysitter on Saturday, but overall, she’s done great. The whole #2 thing has proven to be more of a challenge. The first few days, she was awesome. She said, “I have to poop” and then pooped. However, since that Tuesday that she had 2 accidents, it’s been dicey. She will tell me she has to go, sit down and pee and then insist she’s done, freaking out if I try to make her stay on. Then, she gets off and has an accident. That or she holds it and goes in her pull up when I put her down for a nap. Yesterday, she even had a #2 accident at school which really surprised me since she would never have pooped in a diaper there. It happened just before I picked her up, on the playground, and she walked up to her teacher and said “I fink I need to ask my mommy to take me potty”. Bless her heart.

Right now, it’s pretty iffy. Some days she still tells me and goes no problem. Other days, not so much. In the 14 days we’ve been training, 8 days she has been #2 successful and 7 days she has not (4 times having full on accidents in the undies or in the tub, for the love, and the other times going in a pull up). So, I guess that’s still better than it could be. We are using a Dora sticker potty chart courtesy of Melissa in hopes that it will help her to get more successful with the #2s.

Some days are frustrating and stressful but I keep reminding myself to lower my expectations and that this too shall pass. Right now, we couldn’t be more proud of her. She’s been doing so well and trying so hard, despite her occasional accident. I know soon enough we’ll get there and she’ll be spot on.

kids in the kitchen

Last week, I was set up to take a meal to a family at church who just welcomed their second babe. I decided this was the perfect time to reintroduce some baking into our lives. Other than the occasional pancake breakfast and a few pies, there haven’t been many homemade goodies in our lives lately since we moved and I am learning my way around a new (totally stupid and non-functional) kitchen.

The best thing about this kind of baking is that I got to enjoy the fun of baking and a few yummy treats without having the huge temptation of baked goods kicking around on my counter. At least if they are for someone else, I will know better than to eat them. Or at least, all of them.

Because I haven’t been baking lately, it’s been a while since I’ve asked Eva to come into the kitchen and help me out. So, as soon as Gwennie went down for her morning nap, I scooted a chair up to the counter for Eva and we got to work. I couldn’t believe the difference in her ability and interest level in baking since the last time we did this together. This time she actually helped. Instead of just “helping”. She followed the instructions, listened to me telling her what each of the ingredients were and put the proper number of scoops of ingredients into the bowl. Until we got to the chocolate chips of course. I gave her the scoop and told her to pour them in, she looked at me like I was crazy and said, “I don’t wanna” and started to eat them. Bless her heart. She’s just like her Mama.

Of course, she still didn’t quite grasp the waiting concept. You know, that the cookies aren’t ready as soon as you put them on the pan so there were definitely some necessary distraction tactics pulled out in the meantime.

In the end, it was worth the wait.

  Baking with kids in the kitchen may take twice as long and be twice as messy but hey! It’s twice as fun. We’ll definitely be doing lots more of this in the future.

surviving the bedtime crazy

Because of Evan’s job and everything with the house and so on, I am solo for bedtime a lot of the time. Not all of the time, and not nearly as much now that we are actually in our house, but sometimes. And for me, since becoming a mom of 2, this has been the most difficult and challenging aspect to conquer. I cannot figure out how to get through the hours from 6-8pm when I’m on my own and come out of it still standing on two feet. Sure, the bedtime crazy hasn’t done me in yet, but I feel like it’s come pretty close some days.

The thing is, the further and further we go, the earlier and earlier Gwen likes to go to bed. So while we seem to be (thankfully) past the time of crazy fussiness in the evening, I’m now facing the challenge of how to get them both in bed at essentially the exact same time. I’ve been trying a variation of different things, mixing up our routine, adjusting the order of things, trying to adjust nap schedules and so on – all in hopes of figuring out a system that will help me get through the evenings without feeling quite as frazzled. All of you experienced moms are probably sitting there laughing at me. Developing a system? Figuring out a routine? Getting through bedtime without being frazzled? Clearly, I’m expecting far too much.

Anyway, over the past 3 something months, I’ve figured out a few things that work and a few that don’t. One thing I’ve had to teach myself is that it’s okay to mix up the routine a bit. Especially with Evalyn. When she was an infant I was a stickler for her evening routine. I was terrified that if I strayed, it would mess up her sleep. Now I laugh at myself for this fear. Girlfriend didn’t sleep through the night until she was a year old. So what exactly was I afraid of messing up??

So now, although I like to keep a semblance of a routine in the evenings, I’ve learned that it’s okay to toss it up a bit. Gwen often (not always) has a good evening nap starting anywhere between 5-6 and ending anywhere between 6-7. These nights are the nights that I don’t struggle as much to get through the bedtime crazy. Obviously. So, on these nights, if Eva needs a bath, I give her one right after supper and then she plays in her PJs until snack/bedtime. There’s no reason why her bath has to be immediately before bedtime like it used to be. This way, by the time Gwen is up, Eva is all ready to go. Just needs a snack. Because of the good nap, too, Gwen is usually happy and okay with being relegated to the play mat while I tuck Eva in. If she’s not pumped, she comes with me into her room and we all do prayers and songs together. Then as soon as Eva’s tucked in, I move on to bath, PJs, nursing and bed for Gwen. Thankfully, she’s chill and loves sleep and even if she naps until 7pm she has no problem being back in bed and asleep by 7:45.

On the evenings that Gwen doesn’t have a good nap? Well, that’s a whole-notha-story! These are the nights that I want to hide under a blanket and let the girls put themselves to bed. Not only does it mean that Gwen is usually fussy but it also means that she’ll be ready for bed earlier – probably RIGHT when Eva is, not 10-15 minutes after like normal. If it is bath night, I have started bathing them together – which makes a huge difference. The set up is not ideal but it works. I stick Gwen’s baby tub IN the big tub, fill it up and also fill up the tub itself with a bit of water for Eva. She doesn’t care if she doesn’t get much water. She just likes being in there with her sister. I make sure to have everyone’s towels, lotions, diapers, PJs and Gwen’s bouncy seat in the room with me before we start since I know I won’t be able to leave the room to attend to one while the other is still in there. I clean Gwen first and then get her out while Evalyn continues to play. I lotion, PJ and bouncy seat her in record time and then move on to washing, drying, loitoning and PJing Eva. These nights get a little hairy as Gwen expects the b00b ASAP after getting her PJs on, so she gets quite cranky in the meantime.

These are the nights when Evalyn’s bedtime gets rushed and frantic, which I hate. But, what can I do? I go back and forth between popping Gwen’s paci in her mouth while she’s screaming her head off and frantically reading a book, saying a prayer and singing one verse of the shortest song I know to Evalyn. Coincidentally, these are also the nights that Eva usually takes forever to fall asleep.

Although I’m sure the day will soon come when I have no choice, I haven’t yet jumped to putting Gwen down before Evalyn. My reason is both selfish and logical. Number one (logical reason), it takes way more effort to put Gwen down. It involves 10-15 minutes of nursing, some cuddling and rocking and so on. Number two (selfish reason), I love this time to be peaceful, quiet and dark – laying in my bed, alone together. Obviously we wouldn’t be able to keep it up that way with the Tasmanian Toddler running around.

Of course, once Gwen drops her evening nap, there’s a good chance she will need to go to bed before 7:45, and so I’ll have to make those adjustments. But for now, 7:45 is a good time. It works for her. It works for Eva. And, it works for me – even if it means I’m sweating and have an accelerated heart beat by the time it’s all done.

So, any tips? Anything you’ve done to help manage the bedtime chaos a little better when you’re solo?

the day I started (and quit) potty training

I’ve had this post started and sitting in my drafts for a long, long time. Since September 8th, be exact. The day I quit potty training. Let me tell you a little about it.

For months, Evalyn has been showing signs that she’s “ready”. Everything from interest in the potty (like, major interest … almost obsession. She plays potty with her dolls, is so intrigued when other kids are going and always wants to pretend to potty), to asking to go potty, to praising me for going potty, to telling me when she is going to/has gone pee or poop. Tons of people told me that I should start training her, that they were certain she was ready and that once she got the hang of it she would catch on it no time at all. And I thought they were right. I thought all of these things as well. So, I bought us some big girl undies, we talked about the undies, we talked about going potty all the time, I showed her how I go on the potty and so on and so on…

After our labour day getaway to Nana and Papa’s cottage, I decided it was time to hit potty training square between the eyes. We had a long string of days with no commitments and so I vowed to become a hermit and stay at home, put away the diapers, bust out the big girl undies and take her to the potty every 15 minutes and blah blah blah blah.

Well, let me tell you – it was a disaster. A major, major disaster.

Don’t get me wrong … I don’t have my head in the clouds. I don’t expect potty training to be a complete breeze. But, friends, I do expect it to be easier than those few days were. It was horrific.

The first day, she went through twenty one pairs of underwear. No, we don’t own 21 pairs. I did a load of emergency laundry part way through the day. She was dribbling non stop all day long. Somehow, don’t even ask me how, we managed to have a #2 success that very first day right after lunch (let me also say, she had peed and pooped on the potty numerous times before this – but never anything consistent or predictable), but her reaction was less than wonderful. She freaked and did not respond well to the praise or the reward. And that success was the last one we had – despite sticking with the training for two more days. Over the next few days, there were far less accidents. She seemed to have figured out the concept of holding it and peeing all at once, rather than little dribbles here and there all day. She would stay dry for 2-4 hours between pees. The only problem? She never, ever, ever peed on the potty. She would sit on it for 20 minutes at a time, do nothing, walk out into the living room and pee on the floor and then say, “I has to go potty and get a treat now”.

After a while, I was starting to get frustrated. So frustrated. Enough so that I got angry, yelled at her for peeing, once again, all over my dining room chair and put her down for a nap with barely a song and hug because I was so frustrated and fuming. The look on her face told me she was confused as to why I was mad. And as soon as I left her room, I recognized that my reaction and frustration was wrong, oh so wrong, and entirely unfair to her. I was ashamed of myself for acting that way and getting her in trouble for something she couldn’t understand or control.  I am not proud to admit these things – but this is real life, and I’m telling it like it is.

So right then and there I decided to call it quits. We were done. No more potty training for now.

When I made the decision to call it quits for now, I was hard on myself. So hard on myself. I thought it was a major parenting fail. But then the more I thought about it and after a few conversations with some wise moms who I highly respect, I realized that my decision to wait a while longer was more of a parenting success than anything.

It is a success because I was able to find the balance between being persistent and not giving up and recognizing that my child is not ready. It’s a ‘success because it means I am setting aside any pressure I have felt from others to get her trained and trusting my instincts as a mother to know that despite her verbal articulation of all things potty related, she just isn’t quite there yet. It’s a success because it means I’m taking into account the entire picture and doing what is fair for both of my children. It isn’t fair to pressure Eva before she’s ready and it wasn’t fair to Gwen to be constantly ignored over those few days while I raced back and forth with Eva to no avail. I even unlatched her and left her screaming a few times as I rushed to get Eva on the potty. It is a success because I’m letting her take the lead and follow her cues rather than forcing something that’s just not there yet.

So, sure … it would be nice to have one kid out of diapers but for now, that’s just not happening. We’ll get to it again … eventually. And when we do, when she’s ready, really, really ready… I know she’ll rock it. Besides, as one of the wisest women I know said to me during our first ordeal, “Don’t stress. It will happen. Seldom do we see a high school student who is not potty trained”.

So, see ya later Potty Training. We’ll see ya when we see ya.

to encourage her more

With a two year old running around the house, sometimes I feel like I’m saying ‘no’, handing out time-outs and sending Eva to her room more than anything else. Discipline is a major part of toddlerhood. And, unfortunately, sometimes it feels like it’s the biggest part. There are days when it feels like I’ve been doing nothing but disciplining. And those days are no fun.

Yesterday was one of those days.

But then, in the last hour before bedtime, Evalyn and I had a few moments where she taught me a few important lessons. Maybe sometimes the days feel like this because I make them like this. Because I get exasperated too easily. Because I get stressed too easily. Because I pick out her bad behaviours too easily. Because I am too quick to resort to disciplining.

Maybe some days feel like this because I focus too heavily on the negative and don’t reward the good behaviour enough.

Yesterday, it was just me and the girls from morning to night. Evalyn was at preschool in the morning, had a quick lunch and then had the world’s longest nap. So, it’s funny that I feel like our day was so exhausting considering she and I didn’t even spend a whole lot of time together. But even so, sometimes just a few moments with a toddler can feel long. So long. It was feeling like that.

From 4 pm when she woke up until dinner time, I heard myself say, “No”, “Please don’t do that” and other versions of this same message over and over again. After dinner, I was cleaning up and she was playing with her kitchen toys. She got frustrated with something and I turned around just in time to see her chuck the container of pizza toppings across the room, scattering them everywhere. My first reaction was to yell. But by the grace of God, I didn’t.

Instead, I calmly asked her to use her words instead of throwing a fit. She looked up at me and said, “Play pizza with me”. Lesson number one – sometimes her bad behaviours simply come from the fact that I’m not giving her enough undivided attention. I told her that I would love to play with her but that she would need to pick up the pizza toppings that she threw first.

Within a minute, every single one of those toppings was back into container where they belong.

She picked it up and said, “See Mommy? I pick up pizzas”.

I leaned down to her level, took her by the shoulders and asked her to look at my eyes. When she did, I said, “Thank you for listening and obeying the first time. It makes Mommy very proud when you listen and pick up your toys”.

She beamed. Absolutely and completely beamed. And? For the rest of the evening, she was an angel. Lesson #2 – encouragement and affirmation can  often go a whole heckuva lot further than discipline and reprimanding.

After this, she was having a bath and I could  tell she was struggling to articulate something important. She often does this and I know she’s trying to say something she can’t fully grasp because she’ll start to ramble and say, “and, and, and” over and over again. Usually, once she thinks about it for long enough, she figures out how to say what she’s thinking – even if the words don’t all come out just right. So, after rambling and tripping over her words for a while, she finally managed to get her thoughts together and said one of the most profound things I’ve ever heard her little 2 year old mouth say. “Mommy, my heart inside. God made it good. God be happy. I pick up my toys. My heart good. You be proud". Bless her heart. Lesson # 3- She soaks it up. She remembers. Every little thing.

And so because of these moments and these (not so profound) realizations that my daughter helped me come to – I am making a commitment -  a conscious effort to change the way I parent. To encourage her more and discourage her less.