Right now, I’m living it up as a SAHM mom to my babe. How long this will last is up in the air, but right now, it’s what I’m doing. For now, here’s our story.
In Canada, women are entitled to one year of paid maternity leave. However, apparently, one has to be working before giving birth in order to receive these benefits. Who made that rule?
Because I was in grad school full time, and only TAing part time when we were blessed with the greatest surprise of our life, I hadn’t worked enough hours to meet the cut off to be eligible for mat leave. So, that being said, while I’m on maternity leave right, I’m not really on maternity leave. I’m on self-appointed maternity leave, if you will. We decided despite the lack of maternity benefits, we felt it was best for me to stay home for at least the first year of Evalyn’s life and decided to make it happen. Shortly before she was born, Evan started a new job and this gave us a little bit of flexibility in that regard.
In January, I returned to work part time (very part time) as a teaching assistant at my university. I was responsible for two seminars. This meant one evening a week I was on campus leading seminars while I was able to do the majority of my other work from home. Between naptimes, bedtime, and Daddy time, it was more than manageable for me to put forth the effort and time necessary for the job. It gave us a little more wiggle room but was just temporary, as the semester ended shortly before Easter.
Until now, I have been making serious use of the denial mechanism when it comes to contemplating what I will be doing when her first year is up. You see, I have a heart to stay home with my baby/ies (because yes, there will be more). I have known since forever that I want to be a SAHM and the small taste of this role that I have had over the past 8ish months has instilled that even further. I believe that God has placed that desire on my heart for a reason and if it is what He wants for our life and for our family, it will work out. Somehow. Right now, though, I just can’t see how.
My plan is to apply for more TA positions in the fall and see, with a few more classes, if we can make it work. If not, I may be looking at finding full time employment – which is another battle in itself, since I have no job to return to. Secretly, I keep hoping that some amazingly flexible opportunity for me to work some and still be home most of the time will land in my lap. But? That is likely not going to happen.
So, friends. Will you pray for me? For us? That we will have the wisdom to make the best decision possible. And … that somehow, someway, the desires of my heart will come to fruition?
17 comments:
It's such a struggle, both internally and externally. To balance the desires of your heart, sometimes with.. reality. It's been SUCH a defining time for both my husband and I while I've chosen to stay at home. It hasnt been easy by any sense of the word and we've seen sides of each other that are pretty ugly sometimes.. The heart wants what the heart wants! I'll pray for you and your sweet family- that needs are met and that you are all provided for.. in every thing that you desire!
Prayers said!
You know, know, know that I can relate on a 100 different levels. Praying for you, and I know youre doing the same for us. love you!
of course, dear friend, we'll be praying for you! I know God knows your heart's desire -- and He will provide, even in ways you can't imagine.
Praying for you love and trusting God for you!
Of course I'll be praying for you. It is such a two income world; it can be managed on one but it is so so so hard at times.... You know we've been/are there too...hang in there. Praying for wisdom and that something will work out so you can continue to stay home with precious Eva.
Never doubt God's ability to drop something in your lap! If it's His will for you to stay home, He'll make it happen.
Just this past year, "by chance", my husband ran into a guy that we had previously gone to church with. My dream was always to teach. I went to law school and practiced law for about 7 years before I quit work to stay home with my kids. Anyway, long-story-short, this guy is a consultant for a company that places professionals as online adjunct professors for Christian universities. In March I wrote my first curriculum for a class. In June I will do three weeks of orientation for one of the universities. My hope is that I will be asked to teach the class I developed ... and doing it all from home so I can still be a SAHM and homeschool mom.
God is amazing!
I sooo get how this feels, and I am lifting you and the desires you all have up in prayer:)
I feel ya. Praying for ya.
I definitely will be thinking of you! I know y'all will make the right decision and what is BEST for all!
I know what you mean about canadian maternity rules...they suck! I took a year off of work due to infertility, thought that less stress would help... so no maternity leave for me! I'm blessed to have a husband that supports my decision to stay home, and is able to finally support us, but it would be SO much easier with 2 incomes/mat pay!
I pray that your little family will come through this time at total peace with whatever decision will be made- whether that is you getting to stay home or finding the perfect job. Being a SAHM is the most important job on the planet, and I pray that is the way it all turns out!
It can be done! We've done it for almost 14 years; right now Craig makes a decent salary, but as a self-employed person, it hasn't always been that way. I don't know your finances, of course, but it's much easier to make do on one income before you buy the house and the two new vehicles and have a load of credit card debt and all that. Once you have all those things, you may feel you have to get/keep a job in order to make the payments. It's much harder to downsize after the fact.
Even now, I won't say it's easy for us. We are comfortable, but we have to forgo some things that a dual-income family may be able to do, like vacations (or even flying to Arizona to see the parents) or a deck on our house, or dance/music lessons, etc. Craig's patients sometimes expect him to be driving a BMW, but he drives an 8 year old Camry.
Plus, of course, when you work full-time there are costs associated with that, such as daycare and gasoline.
I will pray that God will provide a way for you to be home with your babies!
I've been curious what your plans were. I am praying for you guys, and will keep doing that. It's so hard, I prayed and prayed for a way to be able to not go back to work, and while I obviously did have to, it's now looking like God had a plan in mind after all. :) I so hope something works out for you!
This is way too familiar... I went back to work when E was two months old and it almost killed me. When we moved, she was 7 months old and I looked for jobs here, but never found anything. So I've been home with her for 6 months. It's now obvious to me that staying home with her is what I want to do. It's tough and we have to make a lot of sacrifices but we're doing it. However, I also have no clue how long it will last... Pray for us and I'll pray for you... Hope we both get what we so desire.
Praying for all of you.
I've done it all. I've worked full time, kiddos in daycare 12 hours a day. I've worked part time, kiddos baby sat a few hours a day.
And now? Now I'm home. Full time. And broke as hell, full time. My husband works a lot, but a family our size? Expensive.
But we have what we need, our kids are happy, and while I may look like I shopped out of the Goodwill bin, I'm pretty happy too.
I was happy when I worked, though. Just in a very different sort of way. I love working. But right now, my babies need me more than my career does.
You guys will figure it out. Hugs and prayers.
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