Thou Shalt Not Say: Part Three ... with the worst one yet...

By now, you know that my Husband has a sick and cruel sense of humour and that during my pregnancy that sense of humour has often come at the expense of my ever changing body. So, here we are just 44 short days away from my due date and I have compiled, yet again, a list of the wonderfully insensitive jokes hubby has made over the past weeks. And get ready for it, because the last comment on the list, just may be the funniest (and most horrible) one yet!

It's a good thing I know without a doubt that my Dude thinks I'm beautiful or else I would probably be curled up in a cave by this point. But I'm not ... because we joke, and we tease, and we laugh, and that's just the way it goes around here.

So, here you have it:

"I'm just looking at all the lumps on your body."

"I can't decide which part of you jiggles the most lately."

As I am relaxing in the bath tub:

"Hm, wow. Those boobs seem to be getting closer and closer to your arm pits lately."

As I am laying in bed reading before bed:

"Why are you wearing those tiny underwear again?"

"These aren't the 'tiny underwear'. These are the biggest one's I've got."

"Oh yikes. I think you need to go shopping."

Of course, we can't forget his favorite song to sing to me lately ...

"Chunky. Chunky. Chunky. I like 'em big, I like 'em chunky chunky chunky. I like 'em big, I like 'em plumpy. I like 'em round with something, something."

Over the past week, I have started to notice that my belly is dropping a little bit. Apparently, the Dude has noticed, too. He often comes up behind me, puts his hand under my belly, jiggles it and says,

"Why is this big old thing droopin' so low?"

He also makes sure to let me know when my tummy is sticking out the bottom of my shirt ... which is has been more often than not lately.

And now ... the one that takes the cake:

One on of the very hottest days we've had so far, I was standing in the kitchen eating a snack wearing only one of his T-shirts and Undies (don't judge - that's actually more than I wear around the house a lot of the time) and he takes a look at me and says,

"I see you're getting some stretch marks there on your legs that weren't there before."

"Those have always been there. I have had them since I was like 20 when I traded my teenage body for my adult body."

"Oh. I guess I never noticed them before. They must just be more visible now that they are on those thunder thighs."

So what do you think, do I have enough material to write my book yet?