Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Thou Shalt Not Say: Part One

I am beginning to think that my husband's sole purpose on this earth is to serve as an example to other husbands and fathers-to-be. Over the past few weeks, I have begun to accumulate a collection of phrases and comments that he has made to me. And as such, I have decided I should write a book. I am here today to share with you the beginnings of this book.

"Thou Shalt Not Say: Comments a Husband Should NOT Say to His Expectant Wife"

"Why are you wearing your tiny underwear today?"
(When, in fact, said underwear are no tinier than they ever have been, but perhaps, what is in said underwear is, um, a bit larger than usual.)

"Hm, see those boobs? Yeah, they need to get bigger. They need to keep up with that big belly of yours."

"You're looking rather chubby today."

"You are the biggest pregnant girl I have ever seen."
(Please tell me this is not true. My goodness, I am only 16 weeks! I am going to assume he meant the biggest pregnant girl he has ever seen without clothes on.)

As he strokes the side of my face, "I see you're getting a bit more hair on there now."

"You don't have acne, it's just a few pimples ... on your face."

As time progresses, I am sure I will be able to continually to add to the list. In fact, if he keeps up at the rate he's going, I might be able to make this "Thou Shalt Not" business a weekly feature.

Oh dear, let's hope not.

19 comments:

Jessica said...

Oh my goodness!!! I think he needs to filter those comments before they leave his mouth LOL. When you are 8 1/2 months pregnant and he remarks on how big your belly is he may not live to see the birth of his child!! LOL. Better warn him those pregnancy hormones are not something to be messed with!

I need to save these so that if we ever have kids I can give it to my husband and say "Don't say any of this to me!" :)

This Texas Momma said...

Lord have mercy he did not. You poor thing. I believe a deal needs to be struck: for every bone-head comment you get a significantly long back rub. And a present.

Hillary (First Yr Wife) said...

Oh, that is too funny!

My husband would totally say things like that too. It's like they truly don't get how they might sound! At least you're able to take it in stride; I'd probably be much crabbier about it!

Jorden and Kristin said...

Our husbands could be bff's! After a few random teary bouts from you (which are coming just wait!) They will somewhat decrease

Jackie said...

Like Hillary said, I think they just truly don't get how it sounds. I know you know this, but he a good guy regardless of his tact. :)

SnoWhite {Finding Joy in My Kitchen} said...

oh my....

I read those out loud to my hubby -- he's hopefully storing them up for future reference.

d.a.r. said...

Oh lordy....this is soooo going to be my husband.

Emily said...

I think your hubby needs to have a talkin' to about his comments. He should know better!

Holly said...

Let's assume he meant it in a you're-so-cute-when-you're-pregnant-and-I-love-you-for-carrying-my-child kinda way.

Colby and Joanna said...

CRACKING up! I can only imagine what will come out of my hubby's mouth when that time comes. As is, I try my best to keep at least a 10 pound difference and I'm not always successful! Ha! I'm sure you are just the most precious huge, hairy, small boobed, pimply prego lady ever! Hang in there and I'm loving all the updates!

Miss Anne said...

shame on him!!!

please slap him. and tell him it's from Anne.

:)

no doubt you are glowing/lovely and nevermind the fact that you're creating a miracle inside of you!

That mister needs to watch himself! :)

xo

Annie said...

oh my gosh, this is too funny....i really can't beleive he had the nerve to say some of those things! what was he thinking?! ;)

Brooke said...

and you haven't killed him yet? jay makes one little miscompliment and i almost take his head off!

Brittany Ann said...

LOL! Oh man, this would so be my husband! They just don't think!

Taryn said...

Oh dear oh dear. I will have to share those with Chris. I am sure he will save them into his memory just so that he can whip them out if/when we ever get pregnant.

Glad you can laugh about it. = )

Katie said...

I cannot BELIEVE he says those things to you, LOL...
I would kill my husband! hahaha! At least you know he loves you ;)

Shaina said...

Hehehe. That's my boy. Keep 'em coming!

Lucky in Love said...

Isn't he a peach :)

Jaclyn_Rose said...

I loved the one about not having acne, just a few pimples. Reminded me of my husband once saying "you're not fat, you're just flabby"

Um, how is that any different!!

Congrats on the up and coming bubs!