Happy Birthday Gwennie–part 5–the final chapter. Finally

(Part One Two Three Four)

By now we had reached about 5 am, and everyone thought we were getting quite close to show time. The secondary midwife had arrived. Taryn told me she called her a little earlier than normal, because she was that confident that this baby would be here soon.

About this same time, my head started playing tricks on me. Looking back, I think it’s safe to say that she probably would have been born earlier but psychologically, I let things get away from me and started playing mind games with myself. First of all, I started watching the clock. I was nervous about not giving birth before Evalyn woke up and that the closer we got to her normal wake up time, the lighter her sleep would be, and the more likely that the commotion and the noise I was making would wake her up. Needless to say, I did not need to be anxious about these things (here I go again with always needing to be in control of things that are out of my control).

My mom knew that this was a worry of mine, so around 5:30, she whispered in my ear that my Dad had arrived and was parked in the truck outside, just waiting to whisk her away in the event that Evalyn woke up. Yet still, for some reason, I kept thinking in my head that I had to get this done before she woke up.

Along with this, as my labour got more and more intense and I knew we were getting close to the finish line, I just wanted to be done. During Evalyn’s birth, once I made it through transition and had reached completion, I only had to push for 20 minutes before she was born. I envisioned this baby’s birth to be similar. And, so, I kept telling myself that once I started pushing, it would be over. I would be done. My baby would be here.

It was these thoughts that really started tripping me up. It was as though I was willing my body to be ready to push. Thinking that I could make myself be ready. If my body told me it was time to push, it would be time to push and this pain would be over.

So, as soon as I felt the pressure increasing and felt the slightest urge to push, I told my midwives I thought I was ready. They told me to listen to my body and if it was telling me it was time to push, then we would try pushing.

I got back to the bed and got in the same position I delivered Evalyn in – on my hands and knees. Again, I envisioned this working again just as it had for her. I pushed a few times but I could just tell that it was ineffective. I knew what my pushes should feel like if they were going to bring my baby out and I knew that these pushes were wrong. Yet, I continued to push a few times. Finally, I asked Taryn if she thought this was working. She decided it would be best to check and be sure my cervix was fully dilated before continuing in order to avoid unnecessary pushing and avoid potential swelling that could make things harder in the end.

When the student midwife, Rebecca, checked me, she told me hesitantly that I was not complete. In fact, I was only 8 cm. I still had 2 cm to go. Clearly, I was not ready.

Discouraged, frustrated, and tired, I continued to labour in a variety of positions. On the bed, on the birthing stool, on the exercise ball and standing up, with Evan supporting under my arms, practically holding me up. At this point, Taryn suggested I not go back to the toilet because she didn’t want to risk the baby coming out while I was in there.

After a few more minutes, I had myself convinced, once again, that I was ready to push. Again, it was psychological. I knew I wasn’t really ready. But it was getting closer and closer to ‘morning’ time and I just wanted to be done.

This time, I decided to try to push on the birthing stool. I did maybe three or four pushes and once again, didn’t feel as though it was effective. Taryn asked me if I wanted her to check me to be sure everything was ready before I wasted any more energy. I agreed. Again, she told me that I just wasn’t quite there. There was a tiny amount of cervix that still needed to go back before I would be fully ready to push.

This time, it was her suggestion to return to sitting backward on the toilet and breath through some more contractions. We did just that – and let me tell you, that was the most intense, difficult twenty or so minutes of my life. The contractions were right on top of each other and I was having to force myself to breath through them, when my body was trying to tell me to push. Through the entire time we sat there, I needed Evan, Taryn and Rebecca to be there with me through every single contraction. My body was telling me to push. The midwives were telling me to breath through them. Taryn told me to be open and listen to my body. That as long as I physically could breath through the contractions, I wasn’t ready to push. When it was time, I would know. I kept asking her how many more contractions she was going to make me go through. She said she didn’t want to talk about numbers, she hated numbers, and we were going to let my body lead the way. She was sitting behind me, supporting my weight as I leaned back on her through each contraction. Evan was sitting to my right, whispering to me and helping me through each wave. He kept repeating, “Be still and know. Wait patiently for Him. Your babies are your gift” – all things that I had been repeating to myself over and over again for the past 6 hours. Rebecca was on the other side of me, offering her hand to me through each contraction.

Finally, Taryn told me we were going to get through two more contractions on the toilet and then we’d go back to the bed. Once we did this, they lifted me and helped me to the bedroom.

I laid down on my side and once again, she told me she wanted me to breath through a few more contractions. If I felt the need to push, she wanted me to do tiny, grunting, practice pushes, but to try not to bear down. She kept repeating that I needed to listen to my body. My body would know what to do.

By this time, Evan had donned his third pair of gloves because Taryn knew it was important to him to deliver the baby himself, just as he had with Evalyn, so each time we had thought it was time to push, he got ready. I also made it clear that when it was time, I wanted the mirror in sight.

I managed to breath through a few more contractions laying on my side in the bed, having my right leg supported by Megan, the secondary midwife. Finally, my body told me that there was no way I could breath through another contraction. I apologized to Taryn and said, “Sorry, but I’m pushing. This baby is coming out”.

At this point, I had Evan in the tightest headlock known to man, and Taryn later said that she had tried to swap places with him, since she knew he wanted to catch, but that she quickly realized that there was no way she was getting him out of that hold.

With the next few contractions, Megan lifted my leg for me and I pushed, all while watching what was happening in the mirror. I know many women don’t have any interest in watching what is happening, but for me, it was the best decision ever. I was able to put a visual to the sensations I was feeling and push more effectively. I’m confident that watching her be born contributed to the minimal damage that was done to my body during her birth.

I pushed one strong push during a contraction and saw the top of her head crowning. I remember praising God and saying “My baby, my baby, my baby” over and over again. I could see her. She was right there.

Right at this point, I also started vomiting. Sure, it doesn’t make for a pretty end to the story, but it happened so I am writing about it. I turned my face and threw up, and almost immediately, and miraculously there was a bowl placed there. A bowl which I missed as I continued to throw up through the rest of the delivery. Later, after she was born, Evan let me know that in the midst of this puke fest, while I had him in a headlock, I was actually vomiting down the side of his face. And yet, he stood there, let me pin him down with puke on his face, and cried as he also watched our child enter the world. That, my friends? That is true love.

With the next few contractions, I watched as the crown of her head turned into an entire head and face and then, with tears streaming down my face and phrases of awe and praise coming from my lips, I breathed as the rest of my baby came into the world.

Seven minutes.

Once I got over convincing myself I could have control of this labour, and let my body take the lead, she was born in seven minutes.

She was immediately placed on my chest and I looked to see that she was a girl. I, along with Evan, both of our mothers and Taryn, were all shocked to see that she was a girl.

I gave thanks to God, and started kissing and loving on my Gwennie. She was perfect.

And suddenly, every single contraction, every single pain – every little bit of it – was gone. My baby was in my arms. Safe. Healthy. Beautiful.

My sweet baby girl.

7:08 am was the time of her birth and her Big Sister woke up just before 7:15 am (again – can you say God moment?). When she woke up, our bedroom door was shut and she was greeted by one of her Nana’s and taken outside to meet up with Grandpa and Papa for a fun day of breakfast at the truck stop, playing at the park and going out for pizza for lunch.

Over the next few hours, we spent our time getting to know Gwen. She nursed wonderfully for the first time. In fact, the midwives asked me if I was still nursing Evalyn because the amount she was gulping was unusual for a first feed. She had her newborn exam and was weighed at 8lbs4oz and 21.5 inches long. She met her grandparents. Snuggled with her Mommy and Daddy and then later in the day, met her big sister for the first time.

Her birth was perfect. An indescribable reflection of the beauty of God’s creation. A miracle, really.

We praise Him, for we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Happy Birthday Gwennie–part 4

(Part ONE Part TWO Part THREE)

We left off when my mom had arrived at the house, I tried having a shower, and we started discussing when it would be time to page the midwife. I had been timing contractions for about 45 minutes, they were coming every 2 minutes and lasting about 30-45 seconds. We decided to go ahead and page because it was evident that things were not slowing down and my midwives had prepared me for the potential for a quick build up of labour, based on my experience with Evalyn.

Of course, as soon as we paged and the on call student midwife returned my call, I felt like my contractions eased up significantly while on the phone with her. However, she said this was normal because paging often creates a welcome distraction. She kept me on the phone for about 40 minutes to get an idea of the pattern of my labour and let me know that things were definitely picking back up as we settled into our conversation. We got off the phone, she consulted with the on call registered midwife and called me back. We decided they would be to our house within an hour.

That next hour is quite a blur. I know that Evan and I went outside for some fresh air, took a small walk down the road and that his mom had arrived by the time we got back. I spent more time on the birth ball, where Evan and I prayed together and recited my birth scriptures. This was the most amazing part of my labour, because despite not knowing how long we sat their reciting the scriptures, I do know that I barely felt a single contraction while we were doing that.

I was still on the ball in the corner of the living room when the midwives arrived at 4 am. They checked my temperature, blood pressure and the baby’s heart beat and watched me go through a few contractions before helping me back to the bedroom to see how far I had progressed.

As we moved to the room and they helped me get situated, I was trying my hardest not to give myself ultimatums or set goals for our far I’d like to be. All I knew was that if I wasn’t ‘far enough’ – whatever that would mean – that I would get discouraged. Things were already so intense and I just wasn’t sure how much longer I’d been able to keep it up. I remember my primary midwife, Taryn, asking me if Evalyn was at home. I told her yes, she was asleep because I hadn’t known I was going to go into labour before she went to bed. She said, “That’s okay, we’re having this baby before she wakes up”.

When they checked me, they told me I was between a 6-7 and things could go fairly quickly from here. I continued to labour as I had been, on the exercise ball and backwards on the toilet as things got harder and harder. My midwife suggested I try the birth stool – so I did – but I didn’t find it to be effective. It wasn’t long before my body started feeling like we were getting close. The pressure was building and I knew it wouldn’t be long until it was time to push. Taryn told me I was doing great, and she had already called her back up midwife, that’s how confident she was that we were almost done. My mom had called my dad and asked him to come wait in the truck outside, just in case Evalyn woke up, they would whisk her away without her knowing anything was up. It would soon be show time. By now, it was just after 5 am.

To be continued….

Happy Birthday Gwennie–part 3

(Click here for parts one and two).

So, as you’ll recall, I had just gone to bed, praying for peace and for wisdom, when I rolled over, felt a pop and felt something watery. Believe it or not, my first reaction wasn’t that my water had broken. The reason for this was because in the week’s leading up to delivery, I had been using Evening Primrose Oil, which is said to be a cervix softener (sorry if this is TMI for any of you, but it’s the story, so deal). I normally put it in immediately before bed, but as I wrote in part two, I had gone to bed and then gotten back up that night. I thought that maybe the oil just hadn’t had a chance to absorb and was leaking. I rolled over and attempted to “adjust” myself and quickly realized it wasn’t just a little bit.

I jumped out of bed and ran to the washroom – probably faster than I had moved in a long, long time – and called to Evan. He came running and I said “My water broke. At least I think it did”. He checked out the situation and I asked what he thought. He said he would have expected it to be more if it was my water, but what else could it be? We decided that the baby was probably low, making it so that not a ton came out, but that it was definitely my water. I was soaked through my underwear and all down my legs. We grabbed the Midwife binder and reviewed protocol for if my water broke during the night. Since I had not started contractions and everything about my water breaking was on the normal side, my instructions told me to get things prepared and then go back to bed and try to get some rest to gear up for labour and page to let them know at 6 am, if labour had not begun.

So, that we did. We made the bed and arranged the final birth supplies and also called our parents. Mine were already in town but Evan’s parents had a three hour drive. We weren’t sure if/when my contractions would start on their own, but we did know that regardless of whether or not I started on my own, we would be having a baby within 24-48 hours, and so they decided to go ahead and head down to be sure they didn’t miss it. They planned to head to Marcia and Linda’s when they arrived in town and just wait for the call that things were moving along.

By the time we got everything arranged and put together, it was about midnight. I took a few pictures, Evan scolded me and told me we needed to rest and save our energy, and we laid down. He was out like a light within seconds. I, of course, was not. I was trying to keep myself calm and remind myself it could be a number of hours before anything started but I was so excited. I was going to have my baby! I immediately thought how God had answered my prayers of anxiety and most definitely given me a way to know, for sure, that it was the real deal this time. I knew that no matter how it progressed – the baby was coming.

I laid in bed, willing my mind and body to calm down so I could rest when the first contraction hit me at exactly 12:30. And hit me, it did. Like, whoa. It was hard, long and intense and left me having to catch my breath. I laid still for a few more minutes waiting and bam! the next one followed a few minutes later. Because my early labour with Evalyn progressed and built up very gradually, I was not sure how to deal with the intensity of these contractions right from the start. I got through two or three more on my own and then I felt like there was no choice but to wake Evan up. Having to do this worried me. A lot. If I couldn’t get through more than 4-5 of these contractions on my own without seeking his support, how would I make it to the end?

It was about 1 am when I woke him up, we got up and tried to move around a bit as he helped me cope through the contractions. In the next few minutes, I soaked through another two or three pairs of pants and all the while the contractions were getting much stronger, closer together and much more intense. However, as time progressed they started getting much shorter. Between 1:30-2 am was the only time during my labour that I timed the contractions. They were coming 2 minutes apart, lasting 30-45 seconds as opposed to the initial contractions which were lasting 45 seconds to a minute and a half.

I knew I wasn’t ready to page the midwives because we were still dealing well on our own, but I also knew things weren’t slowing down. I started praying that it would go quickly – because the intensity was building in a way I never experienced with Evalyn – and I wasn’t sure how long I could keep my endurance up for a labour like this. I tried to keep my mind focused on baby steps - taking one contraction at a time, waiting to call our moms, waiting until it was time to page and so on.

Around 1:30 I sent Evan outside to get all the doors unlocked and lights on for the midwives and our mom’s so that he wouldn’t have to leave my side later on, because I knew from my last experience that when labour gets tough – the number one thing I need to cope is having him beside me. He called my mom and told her to head over. He called his parents and told his Dad to drop his mom off at our place instead of heading to Marcia and Linda’s first.

We started struggling with knowing when would be the right time to page. Of course, I didn’t want to page too early and wake the midwives up unnecessarily but I also didn’t want to wait too long since they had warned me that based on my experience delivering Evalyn, things might go very quick.

My mom arrived just before 2, as Evan and I were getting in the shower to clean up my legs and hopefully get some relief from the pain of the contractions. The water didn’t give me the relief I had hoped it would so we didn’t stay in there for more than a few contractions. When we got out, my mom had arrived and we started talking seriously about when it would be time to page.

To be continued…

*Sidenote: I am sorry about the multiple part posting. I’m not trying to be dramatic and cliff hanger’ish, but I want to capture every single detail and I also have limited time to sit down and write between naps/feeds/diaper changes and so on. Stay with me!*

Happy Birthday Gwennie–part two

If you haven’t read part one of Gwen’s birth story, click here before you go any further. Part one concluded with me realizing, at around 2:30 in the morning, that my labour was a false alarm and nothing was happening. I had taken Evalyn to her aunt’s for the night, called my parents to come to town, and put everything together in the house – all for nothing.

I woke up Friday morning and broke down in tears. I was discouraged. I was disheartened. I thought I would have been holding my baby, or at least well on the way to holding my baby by now. I was feeling deflated as well as exhausted from a night of very little sleep.

I headed over to Marcia and Linda’s, where my parents also were, to pick up Evalyn. As soon as I saw her, my attitude changed. She was thrilled at having had a sleepover at her aunties and was so excited to see her Nana and Papa. “Mommy, Nana prise you smorning!” she shouted to me. I had cried the night before while putting her to bed and praying, thinking it would be the last night that she was my only baby, so I tried to remind myself to just enjoy her, and that the new baby would be here in good time.

We spent the day with Nana and Papa, at the beach, the park, out for lunch, swimming and visiting Great Grandpa. All the while, I hardly felt a single cramp or contraction, yet was still losing more and more of my mucous plug and seeing evidence of bloody show. We were all on edge – wondering when it would happen. My Dad kept encouraging me, telling me that this must just be the calm before the storm.

Of course, as the weekend went by, we all kept waiting for the storm to arrive. Having my parents here for the weekend made all the difference in the world. Evan was busy working away at the new house, still hoping to get as much work as possible done before show time, so getting to spend our time with Nana was a very welcome distraction to help the time pass for Evalyn and I.

On Sunday, Canada Day, we had a quiet afternoon at home before heading to Dana and Cindy’s for a BBQ with friends. Sometime over the course of the weekend, I felt my attitude shift from impatient to content. Instead of talking like “Well, if I’m not in labour tomorrow, we will do ____”, I was talking like this, “Tomorrow we will do _____”. I knew the baby would come when it was time, and I felt myself giving that control back to God, realizing that it was not my decision.

The plan was for my Dad to head home Monday after lunch to go back to work on Tuesday. Since they drove separately, my mom was going to stay over one more night, come with me to my midwife appointment on Tuesday morning and then make her decision about whether or not to go home based on what my midwife said about my progress. Again, our discussions switched from “If I am still pregnant on Tuesday” to “You’ll come with me to my appointment on Tuesday”.

We thoroughly enjoyed our time with our friends at the BBQ on Sunday evening. Delicious food, great company and of course, s’mores. Evalyn got to play with her best friend Will, her Nana and Papa and Cindy’s cats. I got to use my belly as a table one last time.

I felt very uncomfortable, but simply because I was 40 weeks 4 days pregnant and spent my evening sitting on a lawn chair – not because I had any indication what was headed my way. We went home in time for Evalyn to go to bed and my mom and I went for a bit of a walk. We said goodnight, see you in the morning, and they headed back to Marcia and Linda’s.

I decided it would be a good night to head to bed early, because Evan was watching a movie I had no interest in and I hadn’t napped that day, so I tucked myself in bed around 9:30. I laid there for a few minutes and quickly realized sleep was not coming so I decided to get back up and spend a few more minutes on the birth ball. During this time, I was sitting near the baby’s bassinet, reading and re-reading my cue cards that have my labour scriptures written on them. I kept finding my mind come back to one in particular.

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him” – Psalm 37:7.

My mind also kept being drawn to the scriptures that discuss God knowing the exact number of hairs on our head, how he cares about the sparrows and the lilies of the field – and how much more he cares about us. These ideas lead me to think about how he has chosen and selected, on purpose, the perfect birthday for my baby. I started praying and thanking God for the blessing of this baby and asking forgiveness for attempting to take control of the situation. I asked God to take it from me, to grant me peace, and to remind me that He was holding us in His hand. I also prayed that He would give Evan and I the wisdom and discernment to know when it was time, as all of the cramps, contractions and false starts/stops had me anxious about how I would know when it was real. Again, these prayers drew me back to another of my scriptures that I had focused on in preparation for labour:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and sound judgement” – 2 Timothy 1:7.

I spent a few more minutes in prayer, reflecting on these ideas. Around 10:30 p.m., I wrote the following tweets:

Every minute over due, every false alarm, every "could this be the day?" - it will be forgotten when I see that sweet face. I just know it.

and

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him” – Psalm 37:7.

Shortly after, Evan’s movie was done, so we decided to head to bed. He fell asleep instantly (are we surprised), and I was quickly drifting there myself, feeling much more at peace than I had in days.

Around 11:30, I rolled over to reposition in bed, and instantly felt as small pop and felt as though I had wet my pants.

To be continued…

Happy Birthday Gwennie– Part One

I wasn’t sure where to start when telling the story of Gwendolyn’s birth. The truth is, this experience has God written all over it and deserves some background context in order to truly convey how marvellous God’s mighty hand is. So, forgive me, but the story is going to take a few parts and is going to have to start a few days before we actually met our daughter. I hope you’ll stick around. I promise, the story has a great ending…

If you know me, you know that I like to be in control and that when preparing for the arrival of a new baby, this control flies out the window. I can’t control what they will be, who they will be, when they will come into the world, or how they will come into the world. And sometimes? This lack of control drives me nuts. Near the end of my pregnancy, I started to get very impatient about when the baby would arrive. Apparently I forgot about the fact that I felt this way near Evalyn’s birth and was quickly reminded that God was in control when she came into the world on the best possible day for my husband’s schedule. Again, Gwen’s birth is a repeat of that.

Along with the impatience, I was dealing with a lot of anxiety over what would be done with Evalyn during the birth of her sibling. Again, a result of my desire to be in control and my inability to let go and remember that God is in complete control. I joked with people that my ideal birth story would include going into labour after Evalyn went to bed and having her wake up to a baby sibling. And guess what? Evalyn went to bed in her own bed the night I went into labour because I had no indication it would happen that night. Gwen’s time of birth was 7:08 am. Evalyn woke up between 7:10 and 7:15 that morning. God has a funny way with these things.

In the days leading up to Gwen’s due date, I was noticing a lot of markers that labour could be imminent. I was having a lot of cramping and lots of Braxton Hicks contractions. Even though I never expected to have an early baby, all of these “tricks” were starting to get wearing on me. Constantly wondering if today was the day got old fast. At my 40 week appointment, my midwife offered to check my cervix and do a stretch and sweep if I wished. I agreed. She determined I was 2 cm and thin so she went ahead and gave me a good sweep. She told me things didn’t feel like I would for sure go that day, but it wouldn’t be surprising if I did either.

I went home and spent the rest of the afternoon hoping that things might get started. Nothing. Just a few cramps and a little bit of bloody show. Nothing unusual at all.

Thursday morning rolled around and Evalyn and I headed to the park with Caley and Connor. Around 11 at the park, I started feeling kind of funny and asked Caley to go home because I was feeling dehydrated. Shortly after, I started having more noticeable contractions – ones that felt ‘real’ according to what I remember, rather than just BH or period type cramps. The rest of the day was spent feeling these contractions intermittently. I never stopped to time them because they didn’t seem to getting very consistent, but they were there, and noticeable. By 3-4 pm, they were definitely noticeable, never with more than 7-8 minutes between them. Evan came home early and offered to make dinner while I rested (bless his heart) and said he wasn’t going to go work at the house, just in case. After dinner, we took Evalyn into town for ice cream and a trip at the park – thinking that this very well might be our last evening as a family of three. We made the decision to go ahead and put Evalyn to bed at Marcia and Linda’s. I was pretty sure this was going to be the real deal and I figured I’d rather have her sleepover there and it be a false alarm than have her at home in case it turned real. So, off she went and Daddy and I headed home to get some other things in order.

We went for a nice long walk, and then Evan’s nesting urges hit and he started cleaning (the bonus of having a false alarm, I guess). He scrubbed the patio windows, baseboards and cleaned the hard surface floors. I cleaned up dishes, finished getting a few things ready and brought in some food from the freezer in case I needed to feed birth attendants. In the meantime, I had called my parents to fill them in on what was happening.

They were intending to head to our place on Friday afternoon for the long weekend, regardless of whether the baby had arrived or not, to help with some things at the new house, so they decided they might as well go ahead and come down Thursday night so they’d be here for when/if things started picking up.

I had a bath and both Evan and I climbed in bed, hoping to get a little shut eye, fully expecting to be up through the night giving birth to a child. Unfortunately, as the night progressed, I realized this wasn’t going to happen.  I didn’t sleep well because, although slowly down significantly, the contractions were still evident enough to wake me up, causing me to lay in bed just waiting (hoping) for the next one to come soon after.

Of course, this didn’t happen and by 2:30 a.m., I knew that tonight would not be our night…

37 Weeks

Today marks 37 weeks. I had my appointment yesterday and we went over all of the procedures for paging when I go into labor. Crazy to think that I could go into labor at any time now. Although, I'm pretty sure I won't. I am almost convinced I will still be pregnant at Christmas or at least until Canadian Thanksgiving :)

This week, I found out that I test positive for GBS so I will require antibiotics through IV during labour. The midwife assures me it's no big deal and that the IV can be administered in about 10 minutes and then I will be able to remove it and have freedom to roam/change positions etc.

My belly is still measuring just right on at 37 cm and I have gained a total of 33 pounds at this point. Things are looking right on track. My BP is still good and the baby's heartbeat was right on 150 yesterday. She didn't do an internal exam (which I am quite happy about - I don't want to have false hopes if there is any progress because I know that it's possible to sit tight at 1-3 cm for weeks) but she could tell by external palpation that the baby's head is definitely still engaged and is a little lower than it was before. At least I know that he/she is making some kind of plan to come out. She also showed me how the baby is laying in my tummy which is exactly how I had guessed based on the movements I have been feeling.

I have been feeling a lot of pressure down low lately. At times, it literally feels like the baby is trying to claw its way out. When I talked to my midwife about this, her response was "You think it's bad now? Just wait". Ha, thanks.

She told me to go ahead and start experimenting with all of the, ahem, natural induction methods, that are out there. Without going into further detail, let's just say that the Fabulous Dude considers her his best friend after the advice she gave me yesterday.

I have discovered that I have a habit of sleeping with my hands folded up under my pillow at night. I have discovered this because the pain I was feeling in my feet through the night is gone, but the achiness in my hands is getting worse and worse. Obviously, sleeping with them squished under my head is no good for circulation, but try as I might, I cannot stop sleeping like this. I try so hard to keep them elevated on top of my pillow or stretched out to the side, but it never fails, I wake up with them under my pillow, feeling so sore and hardly able to open and close. The Dude said he's going to tie my hands up towards the ceiling at night :)

Other than that, sleep has been okay. I'm definitely awake anywhere from 2-5 times a night to use the lady's room but other than that, I feel comfortable and rested for the most part. I generally fall right back to sleep after going to the bathroom, and have only had a few nights where I've been laying awake for a long time.

I am starting to feel time slowwww downnnn. The days and weeks seem to be getting longer and I am having trouble thinking of ways to fill my time. Soon I will no longer have this problem, I know, but right now, 22 days seems like an eternity.

Encouragement for Childbirth

As we are getting closer and closer to delivery, I have started to spend some time reflecting on scriptures that I find encouraging and helpful in light of the task that is ahead of me. I have prepared a stack of cue cards with these scriptures and have placed it on my nightstand so that I am able to read them each morning when I wake up and each night before I go to bed. My plan is that when I am in early labour, I will post them in various areas of the house so that I can read them and/or have them read to me while I am labouring. I am also going to make another set of them to pack in my overnight bag that will be ready in case we change our minds and transfer to the hospital so that I will have them there with me as well.

There are a number of verses, and all are very meaningful to me so I thought I would share them with you.

I will start with the two that I have selected as my overall labor verses...

"But you, be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work".
- 2 Chronicles 15:7

"Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go".
- Joshua 1:9

"He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might, He increases power".
- Is. 40:29

"Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength".
- Neh. 8:10

"I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth".
- Ps 121: 1-2

"Shall I bring to the point of birth, and not give delivery", says the Lord?"
- Is 66:9

"Whenever a woman is in labour, she has pain, because her time has come, but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the JOY that a CHILD has been BORN into the world".
- John 16:21

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and sound judgement".
- 2 Timothy: 1:7

"Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for Him".
- Ps. 37: 7b

"I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered my from all my fears".
- Ps 34:4

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it".
- Ps 37: 4-5

"Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you even at my mother's breast. From birth I was cast upon you; from my mother's womb you have been my God".
- Ps 22: 9-10

"Because the sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore, I have set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame".
- Is. 50:7

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".
- Phil. 4:13

"Those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not grow weary".
- Is 40:31

Do any of you have scriptures that you have found encouraging to meditate on either while preparing for childbirth or while laboring?

The Midwifery Choice

Lately, I have received a number of e-mails from fellow bloggers inquiring about my choice to have a midwife for my pregnancy, labour, and postpartum care. Because of these e-mails, I decided that it might be helpful for me to write a post explaining exactly why I considered it important and valuable to have a midwife care for me during this season in my life. If you are pregnant, ever have been pregnant, or might someday be pregnant, you may find this post interesting. If you are not interested in midwifery care, feel free to skip!

Also, I know that midwifery care differs somewhat depending on your location so this post is based solely on my experience having a midwife in Ontario. Therefore, all the info might not pertain to your particular location or situation.

Essentially, in choosing to have a midwife for my pregnancy/birth/PP care, I have chosen to have her as my sole care provider. My midwife (or midwives, rather) are the only care providers I will see throughout the course of my pregnancy, during my delivery, and for 6 weeks postpartum, unless there are any situations that arise that require the consultation or transfer of care to an OB or other specialist. I no longer see my family doctor for care regarding my pregnancy. If I have other, non-pregnancy related concerns, I would continue to take them to my family doctor.

I chose a midwife primarily because it is my goal to have a natural birth without any medical interventions. I know that this may not be possible, and of course, my baby's safety will be the ultimate concern, but that is my goal and so I felt that it was important to have a care provider who would support, encourage, and help me plan and prepare based on that decision. I know it's definitely possible to have a natural birth with a doctor, but in most cases, the doctor only comes in during the last bit of your labor, and so most of the time you are being assisted by nurses. You can't for see or plan who you will have ahead of time or how they will react to your decision. Since my midwife will be my sole care provider throughout the entire pregnancy and labour (and will stay with me the entire time) I feel that she will be a great help because I will have her there to help me prepare and to encourage me and remind me of my goals. She will know well in advance of the time that I go into labour what my desires are and will be able to assist me in that regard.

There are three major aspects of midwifery care that I find very appealing and are what drew me to it.

1. Viewing pregnancy, labour, and childbirth as a normal thing. In a book that I am currently reading, "Birthing From Within" the authors make a statement about the philosophical assumptions of their writing that really sums up this belief. They suggest that "childbirth is a profound rite of passage, not a medical event (even when medical care is part of the birth)". That type of attitude and philosophy is one that resonates with my personal beliefs about birth. Having a care provider who respects and holds those beliefs as well is very important to me. That being said, while my midwives view birth as a natural, normal process, they also understand that there are times when emergencies and difficult situations arise and medical interventions are necessary to ensure the health of the mother and the baby. They are well trained to deal with many of these situations and I am confident that my midwife would never ever withhold medical care or hesitate to transfer me to an OB or other specialist if a need for care she cannot provide arises.

2. Personal, patient-centered and patient-led approach to care. Midwife appointments are longer and more personal than what you may receive from a doctor. At each appointment, I am always scheduled 30-45 minutes so I have lots of time with them. Also, the clinic that I am in care with works on a team based approach. I am assigned to a team of three midwives, who I will meet with over the course of my pregnancy (so far I have met 2 of 3). At any given time, one midwife from each team is on call for labours and other emergencies. By using this approach, the chance of me having to wait a long time for a scheduled appointment or for me having to see a different midwife than one I am familiar with is eliminated. One of my midwives will be in the clinic for each appointment that I schedule. Further, this approach ensures that when I go into labor I will be assisted by one of my three midwives. Having the reassurance that the care provider who will assist me in labour will be someone who knows me is very desirable to me.

They also approach care in a very patient centered way. As I mentioned before, there is not a huge focus on the medicalization of pregnancy unless it is necessary (hello! The clinic looks like a spa - not hospital gowns or stirrups in sight!) and they work under the assumption that an expectant mother often knows what is best for her and her baby. Therefore, as an expectant mother, I can be confident in the fact that I will be thoroughly involved in all decisions regarding the care of myself and my baby. They are open to a variety of options and are highly supportive of both home and hospital births.

Also, the midwives I see aren't overly concerned with specific details such as weight gain. This has been a tremendously positive aspect of care for me. When I was still seeing my family doctor, the prenatal nurse placed a huge emphasis on the number of pounds gained/lost. Since I was very sick at the beginning of my pregnancy, I lost a significant amount of weight. I got to the point where I started to feel guilty about this and worried about putting my unborn baby at a disadvantage. My midwives have eased these concerns and have helped me readjust my attitude to be focused on healthy eating and healthy living rather than focusing specifically on the number of pounds I gain or do not gain. This attitude works really well for me. In fact, they don't even weigh me at my appointments, but offer a scale in the washroom so I can keep track of my own weight on an accurate scale on a month by month basis. Unless they see a problem (i.e. gaining way too much, or way too little) they are more concerned with ensuring that I am healthy.

3. Postpartum care. Lastly, I chose a midwife because of the level of postpartum care I will receive. The on-call midwife from my team will come to my house when I go into labor and monitor me at home until it's time to progress to the hospital (or help continue labour at home if a home birth is planned) that way I will be able to labour at home as long as possible and don't have to worry about showing up at the hospital way to early. She will then accompany me to the hospital and remain with me throughout active labour and delivery. Then, when I am discharged she will come to my house within 24 hours, 2 days, 5 days and 7 days to check on us. Also, there is a 24 paging service so if anything happens, she will come more often. A friend of a friend had her midwife from this same clinic come every day for the first 2 weeks because she was having difficulty breast feeding. Then, I will go to the clinic at 2 weeks, 4 weeks and 6 weeks where she will check up on both baby and myself. After 6 weeks, I will go back to my regular doctor and resume care there.

Perhaps I should have broken this post up into a three part series, it ended up becoming quite a bit longer than I had anticipated but I hope that if midwifery care is something you are interested in, you may have found something in this post that was somewhat helpful or interesting. I am by no means an expert, as I am pretty new to all of this myself, but I would be happy to (try to) answer any questions you have.

These are some of the main reasons that I found midwifery care to be appealing to me. I am not saying that this is the right choice for everyone or that midwives are better than obstetricians or other doctors. I am also not saying that the choices I have made and the viewpoints I have will be right for everyone. Simply, the care that is provided by midwives seems to align more closely with my personal beliefs and so I was most comfortable going this route for my pregnancy and birth.