Thursday, July 5, 2012

Happy Birthday Gwennie–part two

If you haven’t read part one of Gwen’s birth story, click here before you go any further. Part one concluded with me realizing, at around 2:30 in the morning, that my labour was a false alarm and nothing was happening. I had taken Evalyn to her aunt’s for the night, called my parents to come to town, and put everything together in the house – all for nothing.

I woke up Friday morning and broke down in tears. I was discouraged. I was disheartened. I thought I would have been holding my baby, or at least well on the way to holding my baby by now. I was feeling deflated as well as exhausted from a night of very little sleep.

I headed over to Marcia and Linda’s, where my parents also were, to pick up Evalyn. As soon as I saw her, my attitude changed. She was thrilled at having had a sleepover at her aunties and was so excited to see her Nana and Papa. “Mommy, Nana prise you smorning!” she shouted to me. I had cried the night before while putting her to bed and praying, thinking it would be the last night that she was my only baby, so I tried to remind myself to just enjoy her, and that the new baby would be here in good time.

We spent the day with Nana and Papa, at the beach, the park, out for lunch, swimming and visiting Great Grandpa. All the while, I hardly felt a single cramp or contraction, yet was still losing more and more of my mucous plug and seeing evidence of bloody show. We were all on edge – wondering when it would happen. My Dad kept encouraging me, telling me that this must just be the calm before the storm.

Of course, as the weekend went by, we all kept waiting for the storm to arrive. Having my parents here for the weekend made all the difference in the world. Evan was busy working away at the new house, still hoping to get as much work as possible done before show time, so getting to spend our time with Nana was a very welcome distraction to help the time pass for Evalyn and I.

On Sunday, Canada Day, we had a quiet afternoon at home before heading to Dana and Cindy’s for a BBQ with friends. Sometime over the course of the weekend, I felt my attitude shift from impatient to content. Instead of talking like “Well, if I’m not in labour tomorrow, we will do ____”, I was talking like this, “Tomorrow we will do _____”. I knew the baby would come when it was time, and I felt myself giving that control back to God, realizing that it was not my decision.

The plan was for my Dad to head home Monday after lunch to go back to work on Tuesday. Since they drove separately, my mom was going to stay over one more night, come with me to my midwife appointment on Tuesday morning and then make her decision about whether or not to go home based on what my midwife said about my progress. Again, our discussions switched from “If I am still pregnant on Tuesday” to “You’ll come with me to my appointment on Tuesday”.

We thoroughly enjoyed our time with our friends at the BBQ on Sunday evening. Delicious food, great company and of course, s’mores. Evalyn got to play with her best friend Will, her Nana and Papa and Cindy’s cats. I got to use my belly as a table one last time.

2012-07-04

I felt very uncomfortable, but simply because I was 40 weeks 4 days pregnant and spent my evening sitting on a lawn chair – not because I had any indication what was headed my way. We went home in time for Evalyn to go to bed and my mom and I went for a bit of a walk. We said goodnight, see you in the morning, and they headed back to Marcia and Linda’s.

I decided it would be a good night to head to bed early, because Evan was watching a movie I had no interest in and I hadn’t napped that day, so I tucked myself in bed around 9:30. I laid there for a few minutes and quickly realized sleep was not coming so I decided to get back up and spend a few more minutes on the birth ball. During this time, I was sitting near the baby’s bassinet, reading and re-reading my cue cards that have my labour scriptures written on them. I kept finding my mind come back to one in particular.

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him” – Psalm 37:7.

My mind also kept being drawn to the scriptures that discuss God knowing the exact number of hairs on our head, how he cares about the sparrows and the lilies of the field – and how much more he cares about us. These ideas lead me to think about how he has chosen and selected, on purpose, the perfect birthday for my baby. I started praying and thanking God for the blessing of this baby and asking forgiveness for attempting to take control of the situation. I asked God to take it from me, to grant me peace, and to remind me that He was holding us in His hand. I also prayed that He would give Evan and I the wisdom and discernment to know when it was time, as all of the cramps, contractions and false starts/stops had me anxious about how I would know when it was real. Again, these prayers drew me back to another of my scriptures that I had focused on in preparation for labour:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and sound judgement” – 2 Timothy 1:7.

I spent a few more minutes in prayer, reflecting on these ideas. Around 10:30 p.m., I wrote the following tweets:

Every minute over due, every false alarm, every "could this be the day?" - it will be forgotten when I see that sweet face. I just know it.

and

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him” – Psalm 37:7.

Shortly after, Evan’s movie was done, so we decided to head to bed. He fell asleep instantly (are we surprised), and I was quickly drifting there myself, feeling much more at peace than I had in days.

Around 11:30, I rolled over to reposition in bed, and instantly felt as small pop and felt as though I had wet my pants.

To be continued…

12 comments:

Shannon Dew said...

ahhhh the suspense! i want more!!!

Mateya said...

Loving this!

Lucky in Love said...

So funny story...that morning I was crazy checking my Twitter feed, as I had been every morning, to see if your sweet baby had been born overnight. Nothing. I went about my morning...and then I got your text!! I went back and checked my feed to see your last tweet...and I noticed what it was. So perfect, huh? Just amazing!! Love you! Can't wait to hear the rest!

Moe said...

You are killing me here!! And I remember those tweets. :)

{annie_loo} said...

Ok...I'm all caught up now...so could you please post the REST!!!!!

This is the sweetest story ever.

I love all the God-moments through it. He is so present...we just have to look!

SO HAPPY FOR Y'ALL!!!!!!

Ashley said...

Beautiful!

Taylor said...

Eeeeek!!! The. Suspense. Is. Killing. Me.

SnoWhite said...

praise God for His leading & re-shaping of your heart. Beautiful.

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

I know this is all true...that in the end you can always see how god really has his hand on the whole darn thing. Why we think we can control it is beyond me. (and you). Dang. I need to remember this as my due date creeps up on me. xo

Erica said...

I wish I would have had these scriptures before I had my babies. Sad fact, though I prayed a ton (obviously) about my babies/labor, I didn't have any verses or guidance from our minister at all. Hmm. Glad you did. :)

Samantha said...

I seriously will be consulting you when the time comes for how you get through birth. You make me believe that it is possible.

Crystal Seed said...

On my way over to read part 3 now!