I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now. I’ve had the conversation with some of my Twistas a time or two. I’ve run into situations that have left me baffled.
What is it with the fierce mom-etition that is in the air? Why the need to constantly one up each other? To constantly try to prove to everyone that the situation you are in is just a little bit worse, harder, or more extreme than the one they are in?
I think sometimes we lose perspective. We forget what it was like when we were in a different situation.
Recently, I’ve had a few experiences where my first time Mom feelings were made to seem inferior. Specifically, a few weeks ago, I was sharing some of my feelings and challenges with some Moms I know (don’t worry – it’s not you. Or you. Or you.). These moms have more than one child. When I expressed my concerns over some difficulties I had been faced with, their reaction hurt me in a bad way. They kind of chuckled to each other and, in jest, of course, one of them said something along the lines of, “Oh how I remember the days of having just one baby. Having just one baby was so easy. I could sleep during the day. I could get house work done” and blah, blah, blah.
Having just one baby was so easy?
I’m willing to put money on the fact that when they were new to the mom thing and had just one baby, they weren’t dancing around telling everyone how blissfully easy it was.
And sure, of course, I know that having two, three, four, five, or six children is harder than having one baby.
But guess what? I don’t have two, three, four, five, or six children.
I have one.
That’s where I’m at right now.
And sometimes? It’s not that easy.
I was hurt that when I put myself out there – seeking some kind of support, guidance, encouragement, whatever – my struggles and my challenges were made to seem petty. I felt belittled
If I’m being completely honest, I know I’m guilty of doing this exact same thing to other women. And I’m not proud of that. On more than one occasion I’ve caught myself saying things to friends with no children, friends who are pregnant, or friends who have a baby younger than Eva – things that I remember hating when I was in their shoes. You know, the “Just you wait…” comments, or the “You think that’s bad…” comments, or the “You wouldn’t understand because…” comments.
And at those times?
I try to bite my tongue.
And I try to remember that I was once in that same position.
Hindsight is 20/20. But foresight? Is not.
So let’s try to keep a handle on our perspective and encourage rather than belittle, mkay?