My Shrinking Baby

Last night was a difficult night. I’m talking up 5 times, no more than 1-2 hours of sleep at a time kind of difficult.

Something was clearly bothering her. She had a bad case of the screamies – which isn’t normal. Most of the time, if she has a bad night, she is just awake and wants to party. But last night? No partying for her. She was ticked.

And somewhere amidst the rocking, cuddling, gripe water, singing, bum patting, tears and other futile attempts to soothe my baby and get her back to sleep – I got frustrated and discouraged.

Now I know in my head that her rough night could have been caused by teething, a sore tummy, being too hot, being too cold, or something else or something else or something else.

But sometimes, in the thick of it, you feel like it’s your fault. Like you are doing something entirely wrong. And that’s how I felt last night.

So I woke the hubby. Scratch that. I tried to wake the hubby.

I told him I needed help. I didn’t know what was wrong with her. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I felt like this was my fault.

His response?

“Don’t worry Babe. She’s just a baby. She is growing and shrinking. Growing and shrinking”. And he rolled over.

Hm, okay.

Well – the growing part I was aware of. But the shrinking?

I was unaware that my baby was shrinking and that this may or may not cause her to sleep poorly. I’ll have to tuck that one away for future sleepless nights.

Needless to say, my dead-to-the-world-doesn’t-hear-a-thing-and-talks-like-crazy-in-his-sleep husband was impossible to wake up last night.

At least his shrinking baby explanation lightened my mood a bit and gave me something to (kind of) laugh about.

Night-time Crazies

A few weeks ago I posted about some of my hubby’s crazy sleep talking. I am pretty sure I don’t talk in my sleep. But? I can’t say that for sure because he is such a deep sleeper that even if I did, he would never hear it to tell the tale.

But last night?

Three distinct crazies took place and I was to blame for at least two of them.

As normal, Evan gave Eva her bath around 7 pm. I lotioned and PJed her, fed her and tucked her into bed around 7:30. At 10, when Ev was leaving for work (sidenote: did ya know that he works a second job that requires him to leave at ridiculous hours like 10 pm? Yeah, well, he does) I headed to bed.

It was likely that I would get a wake up call in no time at all, but her nights have become so unpredictable that I have given up on waiting up until she wakes up for the first time.

So, I dozed off to sleep.

At some point, the wakeup call came. I groggily sat up, looked at the clock and saw the numbers, “11:57” glaring back at me.

I thought to myself, “Ohmigash, Ohmigash, Ohmigash … SHE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT. SHE SLEPT THROUGH THE ENTIRE NIGHT”. If Evan had been home in bed, I likely would have woken him up to celebrate this wondrous occasion with me.

Let me remind you of the numbers I saw: 11:57. I’m not sure where my head was. Did I think we both slept ALL night and ALL morning and it was 11:57 a.m. the next day? Either that or I have super low expectations for sleeping through the night. After a few more minutes of celebrating this success, reality hit me.

Wait a minute … what time is it again?

Sadly, I realized that no, she had not slept through the night and that I had really just fallen asleep a measly two hours prior.

I stumbled to her room, picked her up to feed her and headed back to bed.

Next, somewhere between the hours of 1-2 am my husband returned from work. Clearly I was zonked because I didn’t even hear him come into the house or to bed.

However, sometime shortly after I was made aware of his presence as his voice, shouting “STOP THAT RIGHT NOW” woke me up.

I woke up to discover that I was sprawled across his body, my hand on his head, giving him the biggest noogie anyone ever did see. (See, I said I don’t think I talk in my sleep – I never said I don’t give out noogies in my sleep.)

“Oops. Sorry” I said, and rolled back over. Who knows what (or why) I was doing.

A few hours later, somewhere in the 3s, he decided to give me my payback, I guess.

As I rolled over in bed, to go from facing him to facing away from him, I felt his arm shoot up in the air and come down on my neck with some kinda force. Like, ouch. It hurt.

“Ow! What are you doing? That hurt!”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, babe. Wanna know what I was dreaming? It was just me in a single bed and the baby was beside me. When you rolled over, I thought she was going to fall off so I had to save her.”

How sweet. He was protecting our child. I sure hope if that ever really happened, he would protect her a little more softly, though.

Oi.

I can still feel the spot where he hit me.

The best part of all of this – he remembers nothing this morning. So, I could have made it all up.

But I didn’t.

Or did I?

The Boy Can Talk

I’ve told you before that my hubby has a sleep talking problem right? Um, hello? Remember Little Dickie?

The past couple nights he’s had some good ones. Both right when he was falling asleep – which is often when the very best conversations come out.  Those times where I have to stop and think, “Wait. What did he just say? Is he asleep?”. My favourite are when you can decipher the things he says and figure out that they somehow relate to his hobbies or his job. Which, I think, both of these do.

A few nights ago we were just about to go to sleep. Sometimes if we’re chatting in bed before we say goodnight I say something like “Is there anything else we need to say?”. I don’t know why I do this. I guess just to make sure everything that needs to be said about the day is said.

His response? “What do you want me to say something about? My day? Or your new gun? Or that bolt that goes in and out of it?”

Say WHAT now?

Last time I checked I did not have a new gun. Heck, I don’t even have an old gun. And the bolt? I’m not sure what it is or where it goes in and out of.

Then last night on the brink of sleep, I rolled over to cuddle him as the big spoon.

I sighed and said “Ah. I wish I like cuddling while I sleep but I just don’t.”

Him: “You do like cuddling while you sleep. You just don’t like cuddling while you’re falling asleep”. (See? He was still awake during this comment. You’re about to see how quickly boyfriend falls asleep).

Me: “Whatever. You never cuddle me while I’m asleep.”

Him: “That is not true. You have … no idea how often I … cuddle you … right on … the side of that railing.”

(FTR, The … indicate the pauses in his speech. Which is a sure fire way of knowing that whatever he’s about to say is going to be cracked.)

So watch out. When you’re least expecting it, you’re going to find me and my hubby cuddling close … right on the side of that railing.