Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Just a little blip…

A few of the days last week and weekend were very trying for me. Nothing in particular. Just trying. It’s not like I was cooped up, or the days were extra long or anything … in fact, we had my SIL for a few days and spent the weekend BBQing and sitting around the campfire with our best friends, so if anything, the days were more exciting and the time flew by faster. But Eva has started into this annoying screamy stage lately and it’s so so exhausting. Like I mentioned in a post last week, meal time is getting a little ridiculous. And this new cry/scream has weaseled its way into other (read: all) areas of her life, as well. The older she gets, the more ideas, opinions, thoughts and feelings she seems to have (the nerve!) and without an ability to clearly communicate these things to me, she goes from zero to screamy in 2.0 seconds flat.

Saturday morning was particularly difficult and screamy. Evan left the house super early in order to try to be home earlier, and I was finding myself nearing the end of my rope too quickly. By 9:00 I was wondering if it was bedtime yet. And this was 9:00 in the morning, people. I was feeling down on myself and had to pull back tears more than once. We went for an early morning walk and I found myself pleading with God to give me what I would need to get through the day without losing my ever loving mind. It was one of those days where I got to feeling like I’m just not patient enough, not strong enough, not selfless enough, not equipped enough – just all together not enough for this crazy thing we call parenting.

By Sunday morning I was spent. But thankfully, a morning of worship (which included a great sermon that I was actually able to listen to thanks to the wonderful nursery workers at church), an early afternoon nap, a few hours out running errands with my family (Costco, say what?) and a movie night snuggled up on the couch with my hubby was enough to cure my woes. I must say, that part of the cure was definitely having Ev tell me that I could do whatever I wanted for the afternoon and he would be on baby duty if I needed to get away.

As I crawled into bed that night – knowing that when I woke up it would be a new week, and a new month, in fact – I thought to myself how this stage that seems difficult to deal with is just a tiny blip in the big picture.

Soon, I’ll forget about this challenge and will be faced with entirely new, equally, or perhaps more difficult challenges.

I’ll forget about this. Just like how I’ve already forgotten what it felt like to be uncomfortably pregnant in the heat of the summer. And how it felt to be covered in baby spit up while nursing a newborn around the clock. What it felt like to have a gassy baby who just couldn’t get comfortable. How it felt to walk and bounce and shush and walk and bounce and shush during the witching hours of the evening. Each stage goes by so quickly. And I forget so quickly.

The days can be so long. The difficulties can make feel insignificant and ill equipped. Being a mom can wear me down until I am raw. And, sometimes, it feels like forever. But it’s not. It’s just a blip. A blip that I’ll look back at and long for.

8 comments:

Biz said...

So true.

In all these trying moments I get so caught up. I don't realize I've survived them until they're over. And by then I've already forgotten how hard it seemed at the time.

All a part of parenthood. Sometimes it is easier than others. Sometimes it's not.

Jill said...

it might surprise you to know that this post makes me look forward to being a mom.

nobody says it's easy, nobody says everyday is going to be bliss. it's all these challenges that make you a stronger woman and mother. each stage is another step in knowing how much you DO care for another life. and that you deserve all of her love and that she deserves yours. you're a wonderful mom!

Kyle said...

Agreed!

Gina said...

Today, I was at Marshalls, and L was whining, and G was crying, and pulling my shirt down, desperate to be nursed, and I literally said, out loud, "God give me patience." A lady turned around and gave me a weird look. Whatever. My prayer worked. We made it through the day. And that moment just made the good moments that much sweeter.

Jess said...

Yeah. I get that.

Cass and Gabe are so old now, and still it seems like it just happened, where you are. That stage, I mean.

Its our lot as moms, I think. :)

John and Megan said...

I hear you. Blink and I have a seven month old! Crazy. I was on facebook and saw some of Amy's wedding photos. I thought, hum, I haven't read Lindsay and Even's blog in a while. I just love your writing. You are a very equipt mother. If you're trusting in God as your strength, that is the best thing you can teach your little one. Prayers for you and thanks for being such an encouragement to all who read your blog. Say high to Evan and Evalyn.

Holly said...

You are so right...it all goes by way too quickly!
One thing that hasn't changed for me is that I still fairly frequently think I'm going to lose my mind, thanks to the children. In fact, yesterday, I was difficult and screamy!

Keep working on those baby signs. Once she can communicate some of her wants and feelings, she may scream less.

Laura @ My Thoughts-Uninterrupted said...

This is all so very true.

I have my moments where I think I am just totally going to lose it and immediately scold myself for not being a better mom, for not being able to handle it. Having children teaches you so much. And yes, you are correct. Each stage (and the troubles that come with it) fly by so very quickly.