Lately I’ve been thinking about my role as a parent a lot. Too much. My mind has shifted from thinking about diapers, baby food and noisy plastic toys to thinking about the real task at hand:
That I am responsible for raising this tiny baby to become a young woman in today’s world.
And that, my friends, is a big deal to me.
For the first part of a child’s life, it is so easy to become wrapped up in caring for their survival. Her nourishment depends on me. Her health depends on me. Her hygiene depends on me. All of those things depend on me. But, in the grand scheme of things … this is the easy part, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
The hard part? Equipping this innocent little girl with the tools necessary to make smart, educated, responsible decisions as she grows up. To become a good woman. And even more than that. My goal? My main responsibility as her parent? To ensure that I do all that is within my power to bring her a place where she will know and love Jesus with all her heart. And to me … that is huge task.
I’ve started to wonder If I am up for this task. If I will be enough for her. Will I be able to teach her these things that are most important? Will my husband and I demonstrate a healthy marriage to her? Will I be able to demonstrate a healthy model of self esteem to her? Will I equip her with the necessary tools to choose good friends? To say no to things that are wrong? To be a strong, confident, responsible woman?
Am I the kind of woman that I would hope my daughter will grow to be?
As I’ve started reflected on these things, the prayers I pray over my daughter have shifted in focus. I’ve been spending a lot of time praying for her heart. Praying that her innocence will be protected. That God will guard her heart as she grows. That she will come to know His love. I pray for the friends she will have when she is a teenager. I pray for the boys she will date. I pray for the spouse she will choose. I pray for myself as a mother. I pray for Evan as a father. I pray for her faith and for her soul and for her salvation.
Perhaps I’m putting too much focus on my job and not giving enough credit to God. Because, really, it’s not up to me at all. It’s my job to plant the seed but God is so much greater than I and He is able to do things that are bigger, better and more amazing than I could ever imagine. And it’s a good thing. Because the answer is no. I am not enough. I could never be enough. It is only by the grace of God that I will be anywhere close to enough for her. And so, I will cling to that. And keep on praying.