Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The one where I talk about heavy stuff…

Lately I’ve been thinking about my role as a parent a lot. Too much. My mind has shifted from thinking about diapers, baby food and noisy plastic toys to thinking about the real task at hand:

That I am responsible for raising this tiny baby to become a young woman in today’s world.

And that, my friends, is a big deal to me.

For the first part of a child’s life, it is so easy to become wrapped up in caring for their survival. Her nourishment depends on me. Her health depends on me. Her hygiene depends on me. All of those things depend on me. But, in the grand scheme of things … this is the easy part, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.

The hard part? Equipping this innocent little girl with the tools necessary to make smart, educated, responsible decisions as she grows up. To become a good woman. And even more than that. My goal? My main responsibility as her parent? To ensure that I do all that is within my power to bring her a place where she will know and love Jesus with all her heart. And to me … that is huge task.

I’ve started to wonder If I am up for this task. If I will be enough for her. Will I be able to teach her these things that are most important? Will my husband and I demonstrate a healthy marriage to her? Will I be able to demonstrate a healthy model of self esteem to her? Will I equip her with the necessary tools to choose good friends? To say no to things that are wrong? To be a strong, confident, responsible woman?

Am I the kind of woman that I would hope my daughter will grow to be?

As I’ve started reflected on these things, the prayers I pray over my daughter have shifted in focus. I’ve been spending a lot of time praying for her heart. Praying that her innocence will be protected. That God will guard her heart as she grows. That she will come to know His love. I pray for the friends she will have when she is a teenager. I pray for the boys she will date. I pray for the spouse she will choose. I pray for myself as a mother. I pray for Evan as a father. I pray for her faith and for her soul and for her salvation.

Perhaps I’m putting too much focus on my job and not giving enough credit to God. Because, really, it’s not up to me at all. It’s my job to plant the seed but God is so much greater than I and He is able to do things that are bigger, better and more amazing than I could ever imagine. And it’s a good thing. Because the answer is no. I am not enough. I could never be enough. It is only by the grace of God that I will be anywhere close to enough for her. And so, I will cling to that. And keep on praying.

13 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I feel the same way sometimes. It just hits me at random times like, whoa, I've got to like, teach him stuff... and make sure he's respectful to women, has a good work ethic, is kind to others etc. etc. etc. Then I find myself doubting there is any way I am capable of that. I do think that it will come to us and we will just be given the tools as we go along. At least that's what I'm hoping. :)

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

I have very, very high confidence that you are in fact equipped to raise a heck-of-a girl. Of course, you won't be doing it 'alone'. Thats what I have to rely on, too. For sure.

Erica said...

I think your last paragraph hits the nail on the head. You're doing a great job so far, in my (internet friend sort of) opinion. :)

Mandi @ Finding Home said...

I feel as though I could have written your post word for word. I understand so fully what you wrote. Recently I sort of blogged about how it's not lost on me that every day I am helping to shape this sweet precious girl.

I know that you are one amazing momma to little E...and the Lord picked out and your man especially for her. She is in the best family and in the best place that she ever could be.

Jen @ Canadian Rhapsody said...

I've just started reading the book Bringing Up Girls by James Dobson, and it looks to be a good read for the topics you brought up!

Kayla said...

Amen to that. I think you are a wonderful mama and that you will do an amazing job raising that little girl. I can't say I know you real well, but what I do know of you, I would be happy to raise a daughter who ended up like you! So, be proud of yourself and lead her the way you know best.

Aunt Shelley said...

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Thankfully we are never on our own raising our children...and just think of the blessings of examples we have in our families (our cloud of witnesses)

Kar said...

I got all giddy when I saw you had a post up :) I saved it for my last one to read (the best for last).

I love how you think and reflect and pray. You are really an amazing Mother, but most importantly an amazing person.

One thing I've always cherished is praying together with Lil' K. It's something you and I can look forward to when our lil' chickies get a little older!!!

ps. I have a blog in the works with a title that started, "The one where I..." hahahha

Perfectly Imperfect said...

This terrifies me more than anything on the planet. Thank God (literally) that we have help in this. The best we can do is be an example of a godly woman so that our daughters can see what that means. I'm still working on that daily.

I posted a very similar post to this not too long ago and one comment stood out to me. My friend Amy said "the fact that you're even thinking about this shows that you're on the right track to raising her right" (or something like that). So I say the same to you. The fact that you are aware of this, already gives your child a great example of who she should become.

You're doing great Mama.

Brittany Ann said...

I, too, have had anxiety over this. A lot, in fact. I think being a high-school teacher, and seeing young girls who had "fallen" so far away from God's path, put a fear in me unlike any other. Still, I guess all we can do is pray. And that and that alone is testimony enough to our children, because they will see how much we've invested in them by that simple fact.

You are a wonderful mother and woman of God. Just by being you. E will see that. She will follow it. And your faith and fervent prayers will take care of the rest!

Jess said...

Linds. Seriously? Just that this was on your heart says that Eva has the most amazing woman as her mother.

It's not about being a mom. It's about being a woman your daughter wants to become. And in my opinion you've got that covered.

Lucky in Love said...

I think about this a lot as well. But I feel like God gave our little girls to us for a reason. We'll make mistakes, sure, but we're the perfect people to raise them. You are such a fabulous mom and your heart is always in the right place. And with God behind you...I know little Eva will be a strong woman of God. Especially because she has you as an example.

KDubyaF said...

absolutely LOVE this post. couldn't have said it better.