Tuesday, April 23, 2013

the state of this place

I always hate when people write blog posts about blogging. And here I am. Doing just that. If you have been around, at all, lately, you’ll know that there isn’t much substance going on all up in here. The last few months, this blog has consisted solely of Gwen’s monthly updates and Eva’isms. Two very important pieces of my life, of course, but not the only pieces.

Blogging used to be one of the first things on my daily list. Now? It’s just not. When the kid(s) went to bed or had a nap, I used to think about sitting down at my laptop and blogging. Sometimes, I’d crank out multiple posts and have a full week scheduled by Monday afternoon. I almost always had a running list on my phone of upcoming posts.

Now? Blogging is an after thought. It isn’t even in my head anymore. And that makes me sad. I love(d) this little blog. Truly. I love the ability to document the little bits and pieces of our lives. I feel bad and sad and guilty that Gwen’s first year isn’t getting documented the way Eva’s did – aside from her monthly posts, which I am fully committed to continuing with. Yet at the same time, I obviously don’t feel bad or sad or guilty enough to do anything about it.

I could say I just don’t have time to blog. But I won’t. Because I know that we all make time for what is important to us. I don’t think that other bloggers who are in similar life stages as me have umpteen hundred extra hours in their day to sit and write. I don’t. I know that we are all busy, our schedules are all jam packed, our days are all exhausting and our nights are all (maybe not all, but some) often sleepless. So, I won’t use that whole busy, tired, stressed thing as an excuse. I’ll just say that somewhere along the line, blogging has lost it’s place on my priority list.

It’s not that there isn’t material. There is plenty of material. There are house renovations, decorating projects, chickens, holidays, a baby taking her first steps, park adventures and the like, happening every day. I have a list of posts I want to write. That I think about writing. I want to write funny posts about my husband, I want to write a post about the significance of Gwendolyn’s name, I want to write about the beautiful community of moms that I am surrounded with in my life, I want to write about baby and toddler products that I can’t live without. But then … nap time rolls around, bed time rolls around and I just don’t.

Maybe someday I’ll find that groove again. I really hope I do. I love the community I have found through blogging and I know I can’t be a part of that community if I don’t exert effort and do my part. Sometimes I think I should just fake it until I make it. And then sometimes I think I should just let it be what it is and considering saying goodbye to this chapter in my life.

Who knows. For now, though, the pressure is off.


Jackie said...

I hear ya sister, I hear ya.

Mommy Mandy said...

I feel like everyone goes through stages with blogging like this. We're here for wheneever you come back!!

Jessica Gehman said...

I hope you know that we will be here waiting! I'll just entertain myself with some old posts when I need a good laugh - so don't get too creeped out if I look like a creeper on your tracker/stats :)

Marisa said...

Cute blog!!!


Linda said...

Don't you feel guilty a bit, girl. I see all of the time you are spending with those girls, making crafts, going to the park, teaching new skills and instilling good values. I know then what is truly most important in your life right now. Blogs can wait and we can wait cause we know that when you do blog it will be what is most important to you and it will be awesome!

Ashley said...

I definitely feel you too. Just sitting down to do some posts myself. Felt guilty for doing them so late but then instantly forgave myself. I'm just happy to have the pieces of my life journaled that I do!

Anonymous said...

I feel this exact same way. You are definitely not alone.