Sunday, August 9, 2009

a note on socially approprite behaviour...

I've written before about how it irks me when strangers comment on the relationship between our age and marital status. Recently, I've had another experience and I thought I would share. I mentioned in a post last week that we attempted to head to the states to shop but the border wait was too long. Let me recap on the conversation between the border patrol officer and my husband as we re-entered Canada.

Customs officer (CO) takes our passports and looks at them.

CO: "Where you from?"

FD: "[Our town]".

CO: "How long have you been out of the country?

FD: "Actually we haven't. We were just going across to shop but we saw the line and bailed."

CO: Nods head. "You two are married?"

FD: "Yes, we are."

CO: "You're frickin' young, dude."

FD: "Yup. We've been married for three years."

CO: "How did you manage that?"

FD: "Found the right girl, had to keep her."

CO: "Thatta boy."

We drive away. I'm shaking my head. FD says, "I should have told him I knocked you up and your dad threatened to shoot me if I didn't marry you".

Is it just me or is this completely inappropriate? Seriously. I get it that we seem too young to be married and that we are not necessarily the norm in our society. But, if you met a couple who were getting married for the first time much later in life, would it be okay to say "WOW! You're really old to be getting married." I didn't think so. Why, then, is it okay to make those comments to us?

Am I completely off base here or do any of you other "young marrieds" have these feelings?


Jen said...

Once and a while someone will comment about it. Someone once commented to me that 'Dr Phil says that you should wait until after you are 25 to get married if you want a successful marriage.'. And?

More often than not, if people are commenting on being young and married, it has followed them being in disbelief that I am 23, and not still in high school or something.
Or they can't believe I am 'letting' Craig go to Afghanistan.

I actually love when people ask why we didn't just move in together instead of getting married. I like to pull out the studies that say that there is higher incidence of divorce following cohabitation.

Sorry for the novel. :)

Shaina said...

Wow, yeah. It kinda seems like, no matter what, it's nobody's business but yours!

Rona's Home Page said...

How about this...we hear that why didn't you have other children. Because we didn't want any other children. But why?
It' boring, rude and inapproprite.

SnoWhite said...

That's a great story. We have some funny boarder crossing ones too.

I find it strange the things folks talk about and notice sometimes -- but, I guess what appears strange to the world is a good opportunity to witness :)

S. said...

while inappropriate, it is kinda funny. it could have been worse. i have heard BP horror stories. but gad you made it back okay.

Lois Lane II said...

I feel your pain. We get the "'ve been married four years and have NOT had any kids? What, are you being selfish?" (Yes, those words actually came out of someone's mouth.) I get sooo angry when someone makes comments like that. Yes, we want kids, but as my husband is a freelancer and I'm in grad school, we kinda want to be able to afford diapers for the kid before we have him/her. UGH! lol

Elizabeth said...

Ummmm... wait... how old are you both? I mean, you don't seem in the "too young" category at all. Of course... I'm going to be 26 and I'm also going to be celebrating my 8th wedding anniversary.

I get shocked looks regularly when people find out we were married before getting pregnant. Like pregnancy is the only reason people our age get married. That's when I like to throw in that he gave me my ring when I was 15 :) If they're going to be shocked, I'll shock em.

C said...

Yeah.. I'm with you all the way. We got married young too. I'm to the point where I just don't care what people say. I feel like telling them- call me in 20 years and we'll see who's still going strong. :)

Brittany Ann said...

Hi hun! This happens to us, too, and we haven't even been married a year! It really embarrasses me! I'm with FD. Let's start making up outlandish storie, just for the shock value. I'm thinking (for FD's use of course)...

"Well, we're polygamists, actually. We've been assigned to each other since birth. You know, along with my first and second wives, of course."

Atomic Lola said...

Okay so I just got married last year and I'm like, ancient (30), so no, I haven't heard this from anyone...
I AM so jealous of the thought that you and your hubby have a better chance of making it to your 50th, 60th, who knows... 70th anniversary than my man and I do.
Years ago, everyone got married young. So what's wrong with it now? Nothing!
You did what's right for you and if anyone questions it, they're just jealous that they haven't found the love of their life yet.
Cheers, doll!

TRICIA @boutellefamilyzoo said...

Hi Lucy (and FD)
Oh my. I laughed so hard when I read this post that Jason made me read it to him. Then he laughed hysterically too. He especially loved the "I knocked her up" part.

I absolutely know how you feel though. Jason and I were 21 when we got married. We also had a 3 month old when we got married. Haha! I guess Jason did knock me up and have to marry me. Poor guy! Please, he would have had a lonely, dumb boy shinanigans (spelling?) filled life without me.

We had many years of people saying those sorts of things to us. I think it was worse too, because we had Taylor. People assumed we got married because we HAD to. Hardly. I'm pretty sure there were people betting on it not lasting at our wedding. (Believe me) He has a big, outspoken Italian and German family. They made it known. ;)

We are celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary in 2 days. (Much to those peoples' shock!)We have been together for 12 years. (Which is actually pretty crazy, btw when you are only 30) Makes me feel old. Maybe I should stop talking.
Yeah. I probably should. ;)

Anyway, good for you guys for KNOWING what you want and going for it. Oh, and for having a good sense of humor about it.


TRICIA @boutellefamilyzoo said...

Oh, I forgot to mention that Jason once ended up in a locked room at border patrol in Niagara Falls with his (male) friend being told to strip down to his shorts. Nice. I know.
This was even before 9/11. I imagine he and his friend looked like they were trouble, though.
No arrests, Promise. Lots of laughs from everyone else when they heard about it, though. ;0
Well, not his mom. She was just mad.


Taryn said...

hmm- I don't think Chris and I have ever really gotten that before. Or maybe I just like being married fairly young. Not as young as you guys- if you ask me- you guys were way to young to get married.

Kristin said...

An actual conversation my DH had with coworkers.
Co-worker - (freaking out) "Wow, you're married, woah, woah, that's crazy"
DH - "um, ya"
Co-worker - "How old are you"
DH- "27"
Co-worker - (with relief) - "Oh, I thought you were the same age as me"
DH- "How old are you"
Co-worker - "24"

Seriously? I guess that three years makes a big difference??? Eh, Lucy, can't imagine being 24 and married...oh, wait, never mind.