Tuesday, September 18, 2012

she sees love

Sometimes at the end of the day, I look back on my task of mothering and think I just didn’t do a very good job. Sometimes, I think I’m agitated more than I’m patient. That I’m distracted more than I’m present. That I’m angry more than I’m happy. That I’m exhausted more than I’m energetic. And the list goes on.

Lately, we’ve been having more of those kind of days than I care to admit.

But, yesterday, my sweet first born, in all of her two years of wisdom, taught me a very important, very humbling lesson. She taught me this lesson while she was playing with her babies. One of her favourite pastimes.

You see, the thing that’s neat and special about watching my baby play with her babies is that I know she’s doing more than just pretending. She’s role playing, she’s mimicking, she’s modeling what she sees when she thinks about mothering. And to me, this is more meaningful to me than any other make believe game – like cooking, or grocery shopping, or fixing things. Because her understanding of the values of motherhood? They come from me. I am her mother. The only mother she has. I am what she duplicates when she mothers her babies. Her little two year old understanding of what it means for a mommy to love her baby … that shows me what she sees in me.

So, yesterday morning, I was humbled and brought to tears when she picked up one of her babies and began rocking, cradling, shushing and nursing it. She got up off the couch, walked around the room bouncing with her baby, tapping her on the back and said, “Oh, my baby. You my lover. You my sweetie. You my lover. You so special. You a good girl. I yuv you, my sweet bear”.

Of course, this isn’t the first time I’ve witnessed her express endearment and nurturance to her dolls, but for some reason, yesterday it knocked me off my feet.

Because it made me realize that even on days that are filled moments lacking patience, grace, fun and energy… even on these days – she looks at me, her mother – and she sees love.

12 comments:

Brett said...

Wow... I don't really know what to say to this except wow. You did an amazing job saying something that not a lot of people understand. Thank you for that. :)

Lynsey said...

Beautiful post. You are doing a great job with your two sweet girls. If you ever have any doubt, just look back on this post.

Crystal Seed said...

That just goes to show how good of a job you do!! You rock Mama!!

Jackie said...

What a wonderful testament to you!

Deanna said...

That's awesome!

The Atwoods said...

This was so beautiful, and something I needed to read today. Thank you for sharing your heart. My little guy is only 3 months old, and I doubt he'll ever show an interest in baby dolls, but when I see him flash a cute gummy grin my way I know that even though I fall short on a daily basis, he somehow finds happiness in seeing my familiar face.

Janet said...

Ah, that's so beautiful! What a sweet blessing to be encouraged as a mom by your own child.

Jessica said...

Aww, this brought tears to my eyes. You're obviously an excellent mother if she imitates you loving her babies like that <3

Erika said...

This is perfect and so very sweet.

Kar @allmylove.mommy said...

It must be SUCH an honor to be her Mommy. She really is a lucky girl to have you to look up to.

Meagan said...

I will now be buying a doll for my son!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

so, so true. and so sweet. i love this part of parenting :) and you're right; she gets all that from you. sounds like you are one amazing mama :)