Friday, August 24, 2012

Enjoying You

When I was pregnant with Gwen, I often lamented over the fact that I feared I wouldn’t be able to enjoy her in the same way I had been able to enjoy her big sister. I worried that because I also had a toddler to chase and would have limited one on one, quiet time with the baby, that somehow, the relationship we developed through her infancy would be less intimate, less close and less enjoyable.

Boy, was I wrong.

So wrong.

Here we are almost eight weeks in and let me tell you, I am enjoying this baby to the fullest.

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Dare I say, I may even be enjoying her infancy more than I did Evalyn’s. When I look back on Evalyn’s early days, I look back with fondness. I loved those days. But, at the same time, they were hard. Many days, I was wracked with anxiety, uncertainty and stress. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. And it’s not to say that there haven’t been bad days since Gwen was born or that I’m an expert now, but I just feel so laid back this time around.

With Eva, I was so concerned about the sleeping thing, so nervous that she would never ever fall asleep on her own that I feel like I didn’t hold her, cuddle her, snuggle her near enough. I worried that if I let her go too long between feeds, she’d starve. If I didn’t wait until it had been three full hours, she’d nurse every hour for the rest of her life. If she slept in my bed, she’d never like her crib. If she missed a nap, the night would be ruined. I worried so much about these things, that I feel like we missed out, just a little bit. Since I blinked and she transformed from a tiny baby to an almost two year old, I know how fast these days go. Despite the fact that some days may be long, the moments are fleeting and the months and years zoom on past.

I won’t let Gwennie’s babyness disappear before my eyes without taking every chance I get to soak up every little bit of her. So that means on days like yesterday – when the fridge breaks and I need to clean the downstairs fridge to get it ready to be moved upstairs but it’s impossible to do because she only wants to sleep being held in my arms or in the ergo, or when the laundry doesn’t get folded until 11 pm, or dinner barely makes it to the table – it means on days like those, I let it all go, and I snuggle. I hold. I cuddle. And instead of getting worked up about all that is not getting done, I focus on feeling her sweet little heart beating pressed up against mine. I close my eyes and sniff in the newborn scent that I know will disappear to quickly. I stroke her little tufts of hair that I know will become pig tails before too long. I cherish the stillness and the cuddles and the tiny little human laying beside me.

Because I know that I will turn away for a second and when I turn back, she will be running around, keeping up with her big sister and I will be willing her to slow down, to stop, to climb up on my lap and cuddle. Just for a second.

So for now, the rest can wait.

Because for now, sweet Gwen, I am enjoying you.

14 comments:

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

and then I got goosebumps....sheet' man....now I'm all sobby. The tufts of hair turned into pigtails? *SOB*

Off to snuggle my baby....

Lynsey said...

I am enjoying Caroline's infancy so much more than I did Mason's. I was a nervous, tired wreck with Mason but I am much more calm and laid back with Caroline. One thing having 2 has taught me... let them be little. I want to enjoy these young days as much as I can.

Mrs EyeCanSee said...

Thank you for posting this. I often worry that when baby 2 comes along everyone is going to get the short end of the stick and I'm not going to get to enjoy either child to their fullest. This gives me hope it can be done! Your girls are so lucky to have you!

PaigeR530 said...

I want to kiss those squishy cheeks. She's such a doll.

I feel the same way about potential baby 2. I was able to REALLY enjoy Ethan's newness and feel such peace with motherhood (mainly because my pregnancy was such a horror), that I worry I won't be able to feel that peace when the second comes along. It's encouraging to see that it is possible.

Deanna Har said...

Such a sweet, sweet post!

Jackie said...

I know exactly how you feel--being so much more laid back to this time around. Very much the same here too! And it DOES go so fast, doesn't it? Can't believe we are at almost 8 weeks!!!!

Erica said...

Oh so sweet. And that picture of her? Gorgeous.

"B" said...

One thing our struggle to Get and stay pregnant was these babes are such gifts... I never feel guilty for stopping and snuggling and holding her that much longer... The time is still goingby too fast!!!! I know I will miss these days when there gone!!! And I am not sure I will get anymore!!!

"B" said...

One thing our struggle taught*** us... Would make more sense... Stupid autocorrect

Traci said...

I agree with you. I'm enjoying the infancy days with my second one more. I think I'm less tires, less stressed...just more enjoyable.

Tami said...

Oh I loved reading this! I can't wait to have another baby but I often worry that my heart isn't big enough to love another baby like I love my sweet E. Thanks so much for sharing!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

such a sweet, sweet post. i feel like it might be the norm to snuggle a bit more with the second. i obviously don't know yet, but i know with e i was always worried about schedules and blah blah blah, but with the next one? i just want to hold my baby. :)

Jess said...

I've enjoyed each infancy more than the last. Because it does fly, and we know it after the first one.

She's gorgeous, momma. I want to smush her cheeks.

Krystie said...

These days go by so dang fast. I keep telling my husband that Henry is growing every 5 minutes. I just want him to stay a sweet little baby forever but I also can't wait to see the person he will grow to be. Love this post mama!