Blue or Pink?

You all know that Evan and I choose not to find out the sex of our babies. We love, love, love it this way. For me? The best part of not finding out is watching how much it drives everyone else nuts. Funny how so many people feel like it’s the absolute end of the world that they don’t know what I am having.

Of course, the anticipation of discovering who this little person will be on d-day is also fun. And that moment when my first born was brought into the world, passed from her father’s hands into mine and I had the opportunity to tell him (and the other’s in the room) that we had a little girl? Unbelievable.

I don’t think that not finding out is ‘the right way’. I think it’s my right way. I am fully on board when other people choose to find out and I think it’s fun that way, too. But for me? This is the way it goes. This is the way it will go for all of my babies.

People say to me all the time, “How do you do it? I just could not do it”. Well, I’m not sure exactly how I do it but I do know that so far? I have not experienced any type of spontaneous combustion as a result of not knowing the sex of my unborn children. So far? I’ve been just fine. And, believe it or not, Evalyn even came into the world with a fully stocked nursery and she never once has complained that her bedding isn’t pink.

With Evalyn, I was so very entirely, absolutely, unquestionably certain that she was a boy. And then, I started approaching the end of my pregnancy and suddenly – she was a girl. I just knew it. I would have been quite surprised to discover a little we*nie when she was born.

This time, I was so very entirely, absolutely, unquestionably certain that I was having another girl. Until about two weeks ago, when I started to think that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong. And now? My intuition tells me it’s a boy. (Sidenote: Evalyn thinks it’s a boy, too … more on that later).

I also can’t quite figure out what I’m hoping for. Of course, we all know what I’m hoping for is a healthy baby and I don’t really care what kind of parts it comes out with. But I feel like I really, really, really, really want another girl. And I feel like I really, really, really, really want a boy. So maybe I shouldn’t say that I can’t figure out what I’m hoping for, maybe I should say that I can’t figure out how to not hope for both.

I know what having a girl is like. I have tons of precious shoes, hair bows, clippies and dresses that I am dying to use again. And I will be sad if I don’t get to.

But at the same time? I really want to experience a boy. Before Evalyn, I always pictured myself as a “boy mom” – which probably explains why I first assumed she was a boy. I still can picture myself having a boy, despite knowing what this girl business is all about.

I have bought a few new outfits for both sexes. Of course, I haven’t bought a single NB girl outfit without also buying the matching counterpart in 24 months or 2T. I will be that mom if I have two girls. So, on one hand, I am hoping, hoping, hoping that I can see my two girls all dressed to match.

But then, on the other hand, I have some really cute rompers and overalls and creepers that I am dying to see my little boy wear. And I will be sad if I have to return them.

We’ve secured (perfect) names for both sexes. I want to use them both. I will be sad to discard the one we don’t need.

Really, I feel like however this turns out, I am going to be rejoicing in the addition of whatever kind of baby I get while at the same time mourning the loss of whatever kind of baby I don’t get. Does that even make sense?

Good thing this won’t be our last baby. Hopefully. Lord willing. We all know what God thinks of it when I try to make these kinds of plans myself.

I guess the only solution is for us to get to d-day and find out that I have secretly been incubating fraternal twins and am getting one of both. Yea?