Monday, May 14, 2012

Blue or Pink?

You all know that Evan and I choose not to find out the sex of our babies. We love, love, love it this way. For me? The best part of not finding out is watching how much it drives everyone else nuts. Funny how so many people feel like it’s the absolute end of the world that they don’t know what I am having.

Of course, the anticipation of discovering who this little person will be on d-day is also fun. And that moment when my first born was brought into the world, passed from her father’s hands into mine and I had the opportunity to tell him (and the other’s in the room) that we had a little girl? Unbelievable.

I don’t think that not finding out is ‘the right way’. I think it’s my right way. I am fully on board when other people choose to find out and I think it’s fun that way, too. But for me? This is the way it goes. This is the way it will go for all of my babies.

People say to me all the time, “How do you do it? I just could not do it”. Well, I’m not sure exactly how I do it but I do know that so far? I have not experienced any type of spontaneous combustion as a result of not knowing the sex of my unborn children. So far? I’ve been just fine. And, believe it or not, Evalyn even came into the world with a fully stocked nursery and she never once has complained that her bedding isn’t pink.

With Evalyn, I was so very entirely, absolutely, unquestionably certain that she was a boy. And then, I started approaching the end of my pregnancy and suddenly – she was a girl. I just knew it. I would have been quite surprised to discover a little we*nie when she was born.

This time, I was so very entirely, absolutely, unquestionably certain that I was having another girl. Until about two weeks ago, when I started to think that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong. And now? My intuition tells me it’s a boy. (Sidenote: Evalyn thinks it’s a boy, too … more on that later).

I also can’t quite figure out what I’m hoping for. Of course, we all know what I’m hoping for is a healthy baby and I don’t really care what kind of parts it comes out with. But I feel like I really, really, really, really want another girl. And I feel like I really, really, really, really want a boy. So maybe I shouldn’t say that I can’t figure out what I’m hoping for, maybe I should say that I can’t figure out how to not hope for both.

I know what having a girl is like. I have tons of precious shoes, hair bows, clippies and dresses that I am dying to use again. And I will be sad if I don’t get to.

But at the same time? I really want to experience a boy. Before Evalyn, I always pictured myself as a “boy mom” – which probably explains why I first assumed she was a boy. I still can picture myself having a boy, despite knowing what this girl business is all about.

I have bought a few new outfits for both sexes. Of course, I haven’t bought a single NB girl outfit without also buying the matching counterpart in 24 months or 2T. I will be that mom if I have two girls. So, on one hand, I am hoping, hoping, hoping that I can see my two girls all dressed to match.

But then, on the other hand, I have some really cute rompers and overalls and creepers that I am dying to see my little boy wear. And I will be sad if I have to return them.

We’ve secured (perfect) names for both sexes. I want to use them both. I will be sad to discard the one we don’t need.

Really, I feel like however this turns out, I am going to be rejoicing in the addition of whatever kind of baby I get while at the same time mourning the loss of whatever kind of baby I don’t get. Does that even make sense?

Good thing this won’t be our last baby. Hopefully. Lord willing. We all know what God thinks of it when I try to make these kinds of plans myself.

I guess the only solution is for us to get to d-day and find out that I have secretly been incubating fraternal twins and am getting one of both. Yea?

14 comments:

Aunt Shelley said...

Be careful what you write...for those speed readers some awfully big news could be planted. (twins) :)
Had fun with Eva (and you guys too) at supper last night!

Crystal Seed said...

I think we're all excited to know what you are having!!! I know that I couldn't wait, if I had another. I found out with Chloe at the very first chance we got. And then right after we went on a pink shopping spree! LOL!!!

Mateya said...

I can't wait to find out what you are having. I always thought I would be the person who wouldn't find out until the time came and I was like no way, I have to know!

One of the main reasons I wanted to know was because I didn't want to be annoyed by people constantly guessing or telling me, "Oh you're so having a girl! or "It's definitely a boy!" When they have no flipping clue.

The funny thing is, we did find out that we are having a boy and people are STILL telling me "Oh you are soooo having a girl!" I'm like, no actually I saw his little penis on the screen, it's a BOY! Damn you people haha!

So I think both ways are great and people are still going to annoy you either way. I am sure the excitement on d-day is amazing!

PaigeR530 said...

I'm not even pregnant with my second yet and I already know how you feel about not knowing what you are "hoping" for. :) I want to reuse all of Ethan's cute clothes, I love the idea of brothers, and I love that boy "sweetness." But I also REALLY want to buy ribbons, bows, dresses and shoes. I've always wanted a girl. :) I think it's a great gift that God gave us as mother's to feel such joy for a baby, no matter what sex the baby is.

Happiness Is... said...

I am just like you - I love both girls and boys and want them both! Lots of them - ha! I think waiting is a fun surprise :)

Ashley Paige said...

I think there's totally a little weenie floating around in there.. ;)

There are some days when I wish I had the strength to wait until D-Day to know what I'm having.. I can't imagine the propensity of the surprise and know that it must be incredible. Although, it was incredible for us to find out at 14 weeks, I know it's a totally different kind of incredible when you've carried that baby for 9 (10) months and to get to announce it to the world? Gah. Amazeballs.

I actually think I may concede and let M have his way if we are blessed with a third baby. I know he was a little disappointed when I insisted that we find out what M2 was this time around and I do believe I promised him that if we found out, that we wouldn't find out with a third baby..

Have I really just mentioned a third baby to you repeatedly throughout this comment? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!?!?!?!?!

Can't wait to find out what that sweet babe is.. XO!!

Melissa at Tall Blonde said...

The Hubs didn't want to find out with Mia, but I couldn't handle it with Baby #1 and the other unknowns we had going on at that time. I did mention something about not finding out should we go for #2, but now he would want to know right away because well of course :)

So exciting!!

This Texas Momma said...

I knew with both kids what they were before the sonogram...but it's so hard to put it out there because no one wants their mother's intuition to be wrong. Or maybe I'm just more prideful than I realize. Either way, there will be a baby. With parts. And a set of lungs that cry loudly. :) And as a momma of both, I don't know what I would want again! Being a boy momma is wonderful- I cried when Evan wasn't a boy, but now I love being a girl momma too. And you've seen my pictures- brudder and sissys can match too!

Lynsey said...

I can't wait to find out what you are having so I can only imagine how excited you are! I am still thinking team pink but like I said, if it's team blue.. I have plenty of things for you!

Erica said...

You know what drove me NUTS...when people would say things like, "I couldn't wait, I'm SUCH a planner!" I always felt like they were saying, you're obviously not someone who plans anything.

Laura said...

I am so eager to find out what you are having! And I am guilty of always saying, I COULDN"T wait, I am such a planner... but it's true... and I am not bragging about it in any way, in fact, it's not always a good thing, but that's just the way I am am! There's just no way I could possible wait, given the choice. LOL I know exactly what you mean about having a boy or a girl though... either would have been totally awesome! I gotta admit though, I REALLY wanted another girl. I cried a little out of sheer joy when they told us we were having another girl. Plus the idea of saving money by re-using was a bonus for my broke ass ;)

We are getting so close girl!!! Mother's Day made me even more excited. I just can't believe we are almost there!

Lindsay said...

I can't wait to see what you have!! We didn't find our what Parker was and we LOVED it. We don't plan on ever finding out either. But I do love knowing what other people are having. I also understand equally wanting both...

Amber @ Backwards Life said...

I felt the same way. We found out, but for the first half of the pregnancy I was torn between what I "wanted". Sisters seemed awesome, but little boys are adorable too. You'll be amazing for either!

amanda said...

We didn't find out with Monroe. Everyone thought it was a boy-so much so that when he actually was a boy, I wasn't even surprised. I never really had a particular intuition about it though. It drove people crazy that we didn't know. People are so funny. That being said, I love hearing what other people are having...and I love finding kindred spirits who enjoy the waiting game like me.

For me, I love the surprise, but I also love that for 9 months, my little one gets to be whatever he or she is going to be without me and the rest of the world putting expectations on him or her.

The one thing that drove me crazy was the way people always said, Oh I couldnt' do that. I'm too much of a planner. As if I didn't actually plan for the impending arrival of the little person in my womb. In fact, I planned even more because I had to plan for a boy and a girl! It's not like I just stuck him in a sock drawer when he came home :) I think what they actually mean to say is, I couldn't do it-I'm too much of a control freak ;) which is okay by me, I love hearing their news, I just hate when they put my plan to wait off like I'm ill prepared because of it.