Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Calling All Wives!

Attention! Ladies! Listen up! I have a crucially important public service announcement to make.

Ever wished your hubby would help out more around the house? Ever wondered if there was something, anything, you could do or say to get him to give you a hand?

Well, I'm pleased to inform you that after much planning, careful deliberation and strategic experimentation on my fabulous dude, I have generated a simple, fool proof method to solve this problem.

Yes, that's right. Three easy steps and your hubby will be cleaning.

Step #1. Offer no complaints when your husband deserts you for 18 days and many evenings in the span of two months to hunt wild beasts in the forest.

Step #2. Place a large smile on your face when he returns home after his second hunting trip and informs you that he has 30+ pounds of venison meat to grind ... on your kitchen counter.

Step #3. Join him in this 6.5 hour adventure of chopping, grinding, bagging and freezing while managing to control yourself and refrain from vomiting.

Can it be this simple, you ask? Does it really work, you wonder?

Witness Exhibit A. My fabulous dude scrubbing and disinfecting the entire kitchen, top to bottom, at 11:00 p.m.

Still don't believe me?

Witness Exhibit B. My clean kitchen after the meat grinding process was complete.

And as a further source of evidence, Exhibit C, the freezer full of meat.

As an added bonus, plan to complete this task over the course of dinner hour. Then your husband will have no choice but to entertain your desire to make a late night fast food trip since you are starving and the thought of cooking anything is making you sick, at this point. This step involves a bit more trickery than the other three as you must plan to start the process LATE enough so as to miss dinner and yet EARLY enough to be sure that the fast food establishment you wish to go to will not be closed by the time you arrive.

If you are not interested in this experiment, or your husband does not venture to the great outdoors as often as my fabulous dude, you can also try having a sewage backup in your septic system, causing poop water to invade your dining room, entryway and laundry room. In this form of the experiment, your husband will have no choice but to remove everything from these rooms and mop ALL the floors. However, some have said that this method is significantly more stinky and results in significantly less food in the freezer.

Yes, we had an eventful Sunday.

**Please note: Exhibit D (a photo of the counter during the process) and Exhibit E (a photo of the poop water floor) have been censored for public viewing.


Emily MacKenzie said...

It occurs to me that you are giving up quite a lot to get your hubby cleaning. As an experienced wife of 7 1/2 years, I would like to share with you, my dear Lucy, that there is a simpler way. Though it may not be appropriate to write about here.... I'll just give you a hint. It's three simple letters ...starting 'S' and ending with 'X' ... and has nothing to do with the White Sox.

Tereasa said...

Girls, this is what God calls submission. It's not a bad word and when done with a smile, it works wonders.