this is what we call a brain dump

1. Everyone looks at Gwen crawling and cruising and walking holding my fingers and makes the “Oh, no, Mama. Get ready. She’s gonna be walking soon”. And guess what? I CANNOT WAIT. Other than the fact that her walking means she is growing up faster than I refuse to believe, there is absolutely no reason I don’t want her to walk. The truth is, when she starts walking, life will be a lot easier. Most people think the opposite. But I don’t. It’s not like she doesn’t move around completely and fully as it is. I found with Eva once she gained the independence of walking, her frustration levels decreased like whoa. Not to mention the whole taking the kids outside to play thing is kind of ridiculous since all I can do is carry Gwen around.

2. I used to be a good blogger. Now I suck. Maybe someday I’ll find my voice again. Then again, maybe I won’t.

3. I was chatting with some tweeps about some funny stories about Evan. Some of them have been shared on this blog in years past. But, many of my current readers are more recent. I am thinking about starting a little series on funny stories about that Dude. Like, the time he peed the bed, the time he hid in the freezer to scare my dad, the time he snuck into my parent’s room at a cabin with a real, live fish to wake my mom up… The kind of stories that make me say, “Wait. WHAA? I married him?”

4. Speaking of things that could/should be on this blog. Remember once upon a time I had a cooking blog? I miss that. I cook a lot. I love sharing recipes. But it’s the whole remembering to take a photo of the steps and final product and blah, blah, blah….

5. Lots has happened around here this week. Due to a series of unforeseen events, I am back to working part time. Or at least I am for a little while. More on that later, maybe.

6. Evalyn is obsessed with rhyming. It’s so cute. And funny because she really has no idea what rhyming is. I am trying to tell her it’s when the end of a word sounds the same. But she isn’t quite getting it. Every day she comes up with some great new rhymes. And she is so excited about it. Our favourites? “Buttah! Peanut Buttah. DAT RHYMES. Pets. Wonder pets. DAT RHYMES! Daddy. Uncle Tim. DAT RHYMES. Lolly. Lolipop. DAT RHYMES! Pizza. Chicken wing. DAT RHYMES! Sky, wall. Floor, window. Milk, hat. DOS RHYME”

7. I went back and looked through my blog posts and pictures and updates from when Evalyn was 9-10 months old. And holy cow. I feel like she was way more grown up and big than Gwennie is. I MEAN, GWENNER IS STILL MY TINY BABY. It is reassuring for me to know that I still think that Gwen is a baby. I didn’t feel like Eva was a baby anymore at this age.

8. Running errands with kids is a pain in the rear. But, guess what? It is way less of a pain in the rear when the weather isn’t in sub zero temperatures. Finally, I no longer feel shaky and break out into hives thinking about taking both kids to the grocery store or Wal-Mart or anywhere really. I feel good knowing that it was simply the winter weather that was decreasing my confidence. Not my mom skillz. 

9. Nap time will be over soon. You’ll find us outside. WITHOUT COATS.

it makes it okay.

It’s been about a month since I began the transition from full time SAHM to part time working mom. Funny how when this happens, you don’t suddenly become a part time mom. Rather, you are still a full time mom and you just have to figure out how and where to add employment into your life, fitting it around your duties as wife/mom as best you can.

I’ll have to admit, in the weeks leading up to my return to work, I was scurrrrrrred. I had no idea how I’d find the balance between work life and home life. I didn’t know how I would feel about leaving Evalyn with someone. I didn’t know how Evalyn would do away from me. If you read my whiny posts, you’ll know that I was struggling. Of course, just like any situation in my life that I worry about, looking back I realize there wasn’t much to worry about. So far, the transition has gone very well. I’m thankful that my work load has increased (and will continue to increase) gradually. I was able to dip my toes in and slowly wade in rather than taking a huge belly flop of the high dive.

What I’ve learned is that there are some things that have made my transition to work okay. Some things that have really, really helped and, believe it or not, even made me look forward to and enjoy the challenge.

I mean, first of all, and obviously, having a second income has been a definite bonus. But that’s not what I’m talking about. There are other things that make it okay.

I have loved, absolutely loved, getting to choose real person clothes to wear to work every day. I don’t have a dress code at work. I can wear sweat pants and a tshirt if I want. But I choose to look a little better than that because it’s one of the few times that I can. I don’t usually do dress pants, often jeans, but I like to make myself look (somewhat) put together. It’s fun being able to pick out outfits that I don’t have to worry if I can nurse discreetly in, or if the snot that Evalyn wipes on my shoulder will show up, or if she’ll strangle me when she pulls on my necklace 45825 times in the first three minutes after I put it on. It’s nice to be excited about style.

Another thing that makes it okay is having a kid who has done so very well with the transition. She hasn’t gotten upset when I leave her yet. She has napped well almost every time she’s been away from me. She goes to bed just fine for Evan, my mom, her aunties, the girls upstairs – no one has ever had an issue putting her to bed. She flips back and forth from sippy cup of cow’s milk to nursing like it’s no big deal. My worries about how she would do without me? Ha. Enough said.

Right now, she’s spending most of my work days with one of my best friends. Can I tell you how much more at ease I am knowing that she in the hands of someone who I would trust with my own life? I know that C knows Evalyn’s schedule, habits, likes, dislikes, and habits almost as well as I do. She has spent a lot of time with her since we see her multiple times per week, even before she started watching her. She knows when to put her down early, or keep her up a bit longer. She knows just how much fussing is okay before going in to check her. She knows her favourite toys, songs and games. She just knows her. And that? That makes leaving her 100% easier.

And, of course, the last thing that I’ve found that makes it okay is getting to experience the excitement Evalyn shows when I pick her up. Before I started working, I was rarely away from her during the day. Most of the time when I , went out, it was in the evening. Either after she went to bed or for dinner or what not, which meant she’d be sleeping when I got home. And, you know, by morning time, she doesn’t remember that I was away the night before. Now? When I get to C’s to pick her up, she remembers that she missed me. I get a little taste of the excitement she shows when Evan gets home from work each night. She smiles, laughs, sometimes claps her hand and boogies her little tooshie over to me to give me a hug and cling to me like I am the most prized possession in the world. And that feeling? It makes it okay.

Brain Fart Friday

Here’s what’s flying around my head on this Friday…

My iPhone won’t stop autocorrecting in to I’n. I don’t get this. I’n isn’t even close to being a real word. No matter how many times I change I’n back to in, it keeps happening. Frustration.

Something pretty spectacular is going down in two sleeps. I won’t say what. Just trust me. It’s pretty amazing.

Less than a week until I go back to work. The thought of this is starting to make me a little twitchy. Prayers would be mucho appreciated.

I cannot believe summer is coming to a close. This is the last “official” weekend. We’re heading to my parent’s new cottage and I’m crossing my fingers for great weather.

I’m counting down the days until Eva’s birthday party. It’s going to be so fun. I’m so excited to celebrate the first year of her life with those closest to us.

Speaking of her birthday, she’s going to be one in less than three weeks. Say what?!

I plan on getting my autumn decorations out next week. Too soon? I don’t care. Once labour day passes, all is fair.

I’ve been up to my eyeballs in canning and preserving stuff from my garden. I’ve done salsa (twice), peaches (twice), hot peppers, BBQ sauce, peach salsa and pasta sauce. That’s it for a while. After the birthday, I’ll do apple sauce and pears but for now, I’m taking a break.

That’s about all there is to say today. Happy Friday!

Getting it together…

In one month from today, I will relinquish my title as full time SAHM. I’m going back to my position as a teaching assistant and marker grader in the department where I completed my undergrad and graduate degrees. I will be working part time, and a good deal of my work will be able to be done from home, yet it is still going to require some adjusting.

Back in January, when Eva was 3.5 months old, I took a very very part time position. At that point, I was responsible for leading 2 seminars, which worked out to about 10 hours per week. This year, I will have 5 seminars under my charge and will be the marker grader for 3 other courses. My contract will be for 25-30 hours a week. Some weeks I will have much less work than that, and some weeks, more. The way it works is that my contract is spread out evenly over the academic year, so I am paid the same amount each week, no matter how heavy the load is at that particular time during the semester. Near the beginning, all I will have is prep work and actually leading the seminars. As the semester progresses, the grading will start coming in and things will be b.u.s.y.

I am blessed because our child care arrangements have worked out better than I ever imagined. To begin, Evalyn is going to be staying with my girlfriend, C-Biscuit, who is expecting her own little one in December. This means that the adjustment will take place with someone Eva is already comfortable with, she’ll be at a house she’s familiar with, and my worries will be eased. Once C-Biscuit feels as though she is too, ahem, rotund, to continue caring for my baby (who will be a gigantic toddler by then!!), and/or when I reach a busy point in the semester where I need childcare more often than just when I have to be in seminar, we’ll make the switch to day care. At first I thought it would be a breeze to find childcare for just a few hours a week. But, since we don’t really have any family in the area who is able to help during the day, it actually made it more difficult because keeping a kid for just a few hours a week isn’t really worth it for most daycare providers. Thankfully, I found a daycare that is, literally, two minutes away from our house, which is run by a girl I went to high school with. She is very relaxed so I am able to take Eva as little or as much as possible, depending on the amount of work I need to do each given week. Some weeks, I’ll only need her to go for two half days. Some weeks, I’ll probably need three full days. It’s not often you find a place with that flexibility. What a blessing!

All of this is to say that in the next month, I need to get my act together as we prepare for these changes in our family. I’ve been a bit nervous about how I am going to manage splitting my time between work and home/family – especially since the two will overlap quite a bit. How will I get all my work done without taking away from the time that Evalyn needs me? How will I manage the housework, the work work, the mom work, the wife work, the secretary work and so on? It’s not like any of the responsibilities I have right now will disappear. I’ve had a few moments of slight panic attacks and my dear husband attempts to calm me – reminding me that I tend to thrive under pressure and stress and that when I’m busy, I’m productive. He is certain that I will quickly get into a groove and settle into a new normal. That being said, he also knows that he will have to pick up some of my slack around the house, take on a little more of the childcare, and become more organized in terms of time and communication.

And I know the areas I need to make changes in. I need to become more organized with menu planning and grocery shopping. Some mealtimes will be rushed. Some evenings I won’t be home to cook or eat or clean up, or all of the above. Menus will need to be planned accordingly and groceries will need to be bought efficiently to avoid 68 unnecessary trips throughout the week and weekly take out. Of course, there will be times when it just has to happen, but for the most part, a little planning can avoid this and help me feel way less stressed on a week to week basis.

I need to become more strict with our budget. Once I start bringing in an income, I need to make sure we’re not letting things slip. Am I the only one who feels like it’s easier to stay on track with the budget when you have less money? I mean, when there’s no money, it’s simple – you can’t buy stuff. But when there is “extra” money (ha, extra?) it’s easy to let loose here and there, and before you know it, you’re living to an entirely new standard. That is exactly what we’re trying to avoid as we don’t want to get too comfortable with the extra income.

I’m going to have to become more efficient with housework. I am considering formulating some kind of weekly routine, where I do a little bit each day. I’ve always been a “housecleaning day” type person – where I spend a day doing the cleaning, but that just may not be possible anymore. In order to avoid going through an entire month before I realize I haven’t cleaned my house, I think I’ll need to set up a chore chart. Eva should be able to start scrubbing toilets or something pretty soon, right?

And the biggest area where I will need to become more efficient and organized, obviously, is with my time. Specifically, naptime and after bedtime. At this point, Eva is still taking 2 solid naps per day. That may start to decrease as we progress through the school year, but for now, I count on that. I tend to get a lot of my stuff done when she’s sleeping. It’s just easier. I can unload the dishwasher in 4 minutes while she’s sleeping but it takes me 40 if she’s tugging on my legs. That being said, though, I do give myself quite a bit of downtime during naps and after she goes to bed in the evening. Especially in the evening … usually I just finish cleaning up the kitchen if it hasn’t been done, put together Evan’s lunch (which I slack on all.the.time) and maybe do a little bit of work out in the garden or something… but usually, I spend a good few hours in the evening on my booty.

I don’t want to get to the point where I am not having any down time –  that’s just not healthy – but realistically, I need to accept the fact that naptimes and evenings will have to be productive if I’m going to stay on top of things. Grading, prep work, chores, paperwork for Evan’s business, cooking and so on will need to be done. And done efficiently at that. I have a feeling when September rolls around I will be relying on my trusty list making system more than I ever have before. Organization and efficiency are what makes me tick and I’m counting on those skills to help me out.