Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Mixed Emotions

There are three things about human emotions that particularly amaze me. First, emotions have such a broad range of intensity. Sometimes our emotions are dull and almost invisible while at other times they are so intense that we cannot ignore them. Human emotions exist on such a huge spectrum of complexity. Some emotions are quite simple to understand and place (example, happiness) while others are more complex and difficult to comprehend (example, pride). Secondly, I find it fascinating that our emotions can alter so quickly. We might be feeling elated in one moment and a quick turn of events can turn that elation into incredible sadness within a matter of seconds. Lastly, our emotions can be compounded and multiplied as we often experience more than one at the same time, some which may be contradictory. Very rarely can we describe the way we are feeling through one label. We often have a combination of emotions occurring simultaneously with different intensities and complexities. Hence the term, mixed emotions.

Tonight, I am experiencing this phenomenon of mixed emotions. Tonight, some of my emotions are dull and others are quite intense. Some are simple to understand and others, quite complex. The emotions I am feeling have changed quickly a number of times today. And here, in this moment, I find myself feeling a number of different emotions all at once.

Earlier this evening, I said goodbye to my best friend. She and her sister will be boarding a plane in a matter of hours and heading to Scotland, where they will be living for a couple of years. This is not new news to me, I have known that this was their plan for a long time. However, knowing that it was coming did not make saying goodbye any easier.

There are so many emotions flowing through me. All day, I was feeling trepidation, knowing that it would not be long until I would be seeing them for the last time for a while. I am sad to say goodbye. I spend a lot (and I mean a LOT) of time with these gals and I know that they will leave a big hole in my life and I will miss them dearly. Yet, at the same time, I feel excitement for them as they begin this journey. I know the stories and adventures they come across in Scotland will be once in a lifetime experiences and I can't wait to hear about it. I feel proud of them for following their dreams. I feel scared when I think about what I will do on the days when I want nothing more than to laugh with them. I feel nervous for them as they encounter new challenges and come across stumbling blocks on their way. I feel eager to make plans to head to the UK to visit them. I even feel a twinge of jealousy because they are going on this awesome adventure without me! Above and beyond these emotions, there are so many more that I cannot quite place and that I do not really understand.

Girls, I wish you all the best on this journey. I miss you and love you dearly. I am sad that you are gone but happy that you have found the courage to follow your dreams. I will be praying for you and thinking of you often.

The tears are flowing freely in this house tonight.

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